rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in
whole or in part, or stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the
Copyright © Robert Dotchin
Cover illustrations by
Jessica James http://www.fiverr.com/pro_design
Dotchin has asserted his moral rights.
book is a work of fiction. (See exceptions) Names, characters,
businesses, organizations, places, events and incidents are either
the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales
is entirely coincidental, apart from the exceptions listed below.
Jumbo” is a protest about the mass slaughter of elephants. “A
Flood of Gray” was inspired by the initial apathy of the
government, who did nothing for months after horrendous flooding in
this country. “Aliens” is a protest about the crimes committed in
this century in Eastern Europe. “Fro’n
to the Bone” is about the freezing aftermath of Germany’s failure
to take Moscow in WWII. “Stop
The Torture” is a protest about atrocities committed by the North
Korean regime. “The Butcher of Syria” is about the Syrian killer
Assad, who has been annihilating his own people for years. “The
Ballad of Noodlyneeps” was the result of an article that a friend
of mine published in The
Long Distance Walkers Association Forum.
She walked around the Isle of Wight in May 2008.
The dedication of this book is split too
many ways to mention everyone by name. It is dedicated to my family
and friends all over the world and to friends, family and former
colleagues that I have lost touch with. It is dedicated to you, dear
Sinkhole Ate My Car!
Killed the Easter Bunny
Flood of Gray
Little Boy’s Adventure
the End of the Day
to the Bone
Crazy Kook from
Lazy Brown Dog
Blowout at Sixty
Me in a Cup
Butcher of Syria
Little Girl’s Adventure
Before the Storm
the I Love You’s Stop
Want a Lover
Ballad of Noodlyneeps
Soon by Robert Dotchin
would like to thank my knowledgeable friend Megan from Las Vegas for
her constructive criticism, advice, observations and constant
support. I would also like to show my appreciation to my daughter
Sallyanne and my friend Anita for their thoughts and assessments.
just a baby,
Whose mother has been slain.
Poachers coldly killed her,
With a bullet to the brain.
tusks were hacked off,
By the evil men.
now has nightmares.
relives it all again.
A kinder man helps Jumbo,
To be happy and survive.
He does what Mumbo use to,
When she was alive.
Jumbo misses Mumbo.
The man stays night and day.
He gives her milk and plays with her,
To brighten up her day.
The man is sad to see her go.
is fully grown.
Jumbo thinks of Mumbo,
she’s on her own.
A shot rings out and Jumbo,
Falls lifeless to the ground.
nightmares are no more.
poachers gather ‘round.
SINKHOLE ATE MY CAR!
A sinkhole ate my car,
it ate my home,
it ate the London Eye,
And the Millennium Dome.
The Angel of the North,
Was gobbled up so fast;
Then Blackpool Tower vanished,
As I was going past.
Now Newcastle underground.
Stonehenge and the Isle of Wight,
Went without a sound.
hole appeared where London was.
The streets just disappeared.
A sinkhole then took Glasgow,
the town of Windermere.
sinkhole filled with water;
Completely changed the place.
The whole world watched a sinkhole,
As it stuffed its face.
Scotland, Ireland, England, and Wales,
into the sea.
We reinvaded Normandy,
And Sark and Alderney.
Capture every moment.
We know not when time ends.
With family and with friends.
Tell them how you love them.
Give them precious time.
Fill their minds and hearts,
With music and with rhyme.
Kiss the ones you love,
tell them “I love you.”
Show them how you love them,
And the things they do.
The aliens came disguised as men.
Nothing was ever the same again.
They snuffed out their lives and took
world just watched as the cameras panned.
green men killed. They had no shame.
Blood was spilled, and still they came.
red flag flew, but had no face.
whole world knew; ‘twas their disgrace.
The ball was kicked and people clapped,
a nation’s strength was sapped.
No-one cared about their plight.
They watched the ball, as it took flight.
country sank into despair.
world just watched. They didn’t care.
they’ll wake when aliens land,
burn their skin with their brand.
I killed the Easter bunny,
Many years ago.
I told those silly fairies,
Where they ought to go.
Santa Claus came
I kicked him in the butt.
The tooth fairy better learn,
To keep her big mouth shut.
I grabbed a
And tears welled in his eyes.
Bigfoot was sent packing,
Though he was twice my size.
I caught a feisty mermaid,
And kicked her into
And put the willies up a ghost,
When I slapped his face.
I don’t care what
Walks in front of me.
Witches run and disappear.
A werewolf and a vampire,
Were in a nightmare that I had.
I gave them each a bloody nose,
Which really made them mad.
I killed a hundred dragons.
The others live in
With the power of my mind,
Flying saucers disappear.
There were no alien abductions.
They were crazy or they lied.
The jokers with the little green men,
Took us for a ride.
Astrology is nonsense,
Something to avoid.
Crystal balls and tarot cards,
Should all be destroyed.
I don’t believe
Who say they can talk with the dead.
If you believe all that crap,
wrong with your head.
I burned Noah’s
Before it had chance to sail.
I vaporized your
And the Holy Grail.
When I wished it to be so.
I wiped out heaven
And the whole ridiculous show.
It was the thirty-third of Joolember,
On the planet known as Ember.
I was attacked by a giant Gomp.
He wanted to take my womp.
I haven’t a groot!
me you brute!”
He told me he wanted some food,
And was sorry for being so rude.
So I took him home with me,
And my wife nearly threw a mullee.
She finally made us some grite,
Which he ate with just one bite.
both had a grall of co.
He drank it all in one go.
thanked me and said good-bye,
And winked with his one red eye.
birds rejoice in the trees,
And darkness embraces the light.
are dancing in the breeze.
The moon is losing height.
day is new, and glad it’s alive.
morning’s a mountain stream.
stars, no longer, can survive.
The night is just a dream.
The grass is kissed with morning dew;
The looking glass, a lake.
the land, is all askew;
solar kings awake.
my precipice survey,
Perfection to behold.
virgin sand reflects the day.
zephyr’s life’s been sold.
bouquet of the air’s so clean.
The tranquil water waits.
tapestry in green;
The gentle wind dictates.
Some caribou quench their thirst,
And fish come out to play.
Pain and suffering dispersed;
The clouds are kept at bay.
The time and patience I will need,
To capture everything.
need a steady hand indeed;
A painting for a king.
FLOOD OF GRAY
a gray world outside my door,
With gray people walking around.
They walk past each other
heads bowed low,
And never utter a sound.
The cars speed by and now and again,
A driver blows his horn.
Some look up and walk on again,
And still they look forlorn.
A rainbow appears and fades away,
As a gray cloud gets in its way.
dozen horses appear in the sky,
All various shades of gray.
birds land in trees, that are also gray,
hide from the gray that’s coming.
don’t wait very long as the gray rain falls.
On the ground it starts its drumming.
gray invades everyone’s homes,
And nobody seems to care.
wake with a fright; they’re horrified.
gray almost everywhere.
look outside, and their gray car has died,
As the gray rushes swiftly by.
The gray men in charge, sit at home with
And spout the occasional lie.
we wait long enough, just a few weeks,
sure it will all go away.”
it goes on, for days and for weeks,
And months of nothing but gray.
don’t want to know how long it’ll last.
We want our lives to resume.
like to escape from the gray but we can’t,
we’d like to see flowers bloom.
2020 he was ninety-five,
Depressed, on his own, and barely alive.
one to hold and kiss goodnight,
was weak and cold. His skin was white.
He woke with a start, no longer alone.
were voices, and faces
people he’d known.
friend said “Come on, there’s land in sight.”
felt so alive, shouted “Great!” in delight.
on the dock was the love of his life.
His eyes welled up as he looked at his
was happy and lovely and waving her hand.
was good to be home. To see her was grand.
laughed and cried; a savored embrace.
He wiped the tears from her beautiful
feeling arrived and was so intense.
Their love had taken precedence.
last few years were a nightmare, it’s true,
But the war was hell and broke families
They lay together entwined through the
the morning sun said “Hello” with its light.
had a good life. He was ninety-five.
like that, he couldn’t survive.
together now,” someone remarked,
the ship to his wife, once again, he embarked.
There was a king of Tyrone,
Who sat alone on his throne.
He said to his queen Simone,
cake is as hard as a stone.”
didn’t like his tone,
So she picked up the telephone,
And phoned the cook called Joan,
Who was like Simone, but a clone.
Joan laughed at her on the phone,
And told her that she had flown,
Off to another time zone,
To places completely unknown.
This news caused the king to moan.
He was angry with Simone and Joan.
He said he fancied a scone,
But there were none in County Tyrone.
don’t you build a drone?
it can bring you a scone.”
So he invented the first scone drone,
And bought his wife some cologne.
There were scone drones all over Tyrone,
From there to Sierra Leone.
press wouldn’t leave him alone,
of the first scone drone.
The prince of darkness harvests the