Excerpt for Teenage Angst by , available in its entirety at Smashwords



Ben Smithfield

A Collection of Pain from the 90s

Cover illustrated by Reimarie Cabalu

Copyright Ben Smithfield, 2016

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any written, electronic, recording, or photocopying without written permission of the publisher or author. The exception would be in the case of brief quotations embodied in the critical articles or reviews and pages where permission is specifically granted by the publisher or author.


This is a work of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.



Good memories


Title Page




As Soon As


The Blue Angel (Be with Us)

He’s No Different


Temporarily Gone



Everything, and Including

Mr Machismo

Scrawny Girl vs. the Babe


The Vegetable

People Only Love You When You’re Dead

A Pretty Good Day

Happy at Last

Death One

Death Two

Power of One, Now That You’ve Gone

Bye, Bye I’m Going to Mars

Slip Into a Dream

Sitting Here


Past of Bliss

The Snowflakes

Horses Are Calm

In the Eye

Our Votes For You

Reality Dreaming

Where Are We?

Maybe It’s Gonna Be Alright?

Flesh and Blood Part One

Flesh and Blood Part Two (Resurrection)

Flesh and Blood Part Three (All)

Flesh and Blood Part Four (The Contemplation)

Flesh and Blood Part Five (The Ice Age)

Flesh and Blood Part Six (Comprehension)

Flesh and Blood Part Seven (Rest for All)

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For You

The Face of Light, Gone

Every Night You Rise

To a Loved One

Now’s the Time

Be My Friend?

Getting Older


Where the Road Leads

In 2 Deep

Through a Window: Back and Forth


Rolling Glass

The Mask

What’s Inside?

I’m In Hell, (Won’t Someone Help Me?)



The Realisation

The Everyday Pain

I Am Here

As Soon As

As soon as you’re born you start dying,

Never any truth always lying.

As soon as you touch you start to see,

That all around is pain and misery.

As soon as you learn you start to realise,

That all you’re being taught are lies.

As soon as you listen you start to think,

That they’ll get you as soon as you blink.

As soon as you try you start to cry,

That you can never reach that all time high.

As soon as you run they see your tracks,

You know you can never relax.

As soon as you dream they’re in your thoughts,

Even up there you can be caught.

As soon as you scream you’re not heard,

They won’t even come when your emotions stirred.

As soon as you wave no one responds,

You weren’t that popular for too long.

As soon as you leave you’re out the door,

No one cares about you anymore.


The birth of a child

That grows in pain

The wife of a man

That showers in vain.

The experience of pleasure

That was most hated

The irony of time

That is most fated.

The worrying of the future

That transcends from detest of the past

The unhappy situation

That will forever last.

The hidden truths

That protects you all

The painful cover-up

That keeps the guilty to rule.

The daily soul destroying

That eats inside

The betrayal of family

That your face fails to hide.

The one forced night

That replays in your mind

The future certificate

That’s already been signed.

The butcher walks on

That you set free

The life is over

That he decreed.

The Blue Angel (Be With Us)

The angel of blue with warmth in her face,

Shudders over with a smiling embrace.

Helping forget the innocence of youth,

Lighting up the forbidden truth.

Making all seem a dream,

Surrounding us with a silent screen.

Securing the importance that’s inside,

Giving us all a tremendous pride.

Holding up the hardest goodbye,

The golden tears sweeter than our frightened cries.

In her our belief,

Laying to rest the others with a papered reef.

He’s No Different

The man comes out frightened and scared

People look, a long hard stare.

He’s natural as from birth

People point, ‘Look at his girth!’

He’s wearing clothes people still see through

Because he’s overweight people choose to.

They look upon him with disgust

Yet they can’t believe, they’re all aghast.

Society classes him as obese

He’s a snail moving on grease.

They all accuse he’s a scrounger

Thinking he sits all day on his lounger.

Who’s to say what’s big and small?

Watch your mouth please don’t call

Walk right past there’s nothing worth seeing

He’s like you and me - a human being.


Suzanne’s a working class girl

To you and I she’s in a different world.

Doesn’t work nine to five,

Working unsociable hours to stay alive.

Sold out when she was thirteen

Got tangled up with a dirty old fiend.

Eight years on she’s still on the street

After all she has to eat.

Suzanne’s a person with a non-existent pride

Somebody who has nothing to hide.

Has no dreams, she doesn’t know how to

Just wishes she could be someone new.

Charges very little, gives away all

When she does make her pimp will call.

She dresses always nearly half-naked

Believes every night that one day she’ll make it.

Suzanne has no control over her life or mind

The pimp sees to that with drugs and anything else he’ll find.

He’s her influence and voice

And while he’s around she has no choice.

Perhaps one day Suzanne will break free

She deserves a normal life, don’t you agree?

Temporarily Gone

His mind spun off

And left the Earth

Leaving behind his tears.

He was gone

Felt he won

Up to the blazing sun.

Soon he melted

Tears all dried

As he floated back to Earth.

His mind stuck on

As the spirit rose

Fully recovered from the overdose.


Murderous vibes

Spilt off edges

Onto children’s toes

But what we become

When we meet

Our carnivorous foes

The tides will turn

Taking away

The excess of our lives

And what we perceive

As burning candles

Will stick into us like knives


He wandered in from the cold

And told me his soul had just been sold

He struggled over to a wooden chair

To catch a scarce breath of air

He rubbed his hands and then his feet

To charm back the deserted heat

He fished out some money and bought a drink

Needing something to help him think

He threw up his hands to his head

And prayed that he wished that he was dead

He stood up and let out a vile scream

Then downed a double with ice Jim Beam

He dusted down his clothes and strolled over to me

Touching my shoulder he whispered in glee

He walked back out into the cold

After telling me my soul had just been sold

Everything, and Including

Grey days, winter blues

So washed up and used.

Rainy haze, summer days

Wake up in a fiery blaze.

Tricolour moon, Mr Doom

Gonna rise up soon.

Crazy heat, smiling sun

When all is said and...

Blasé scene, a Mrs Greene

Feel so fresh and clean.

Cascading sky, no god answers why

Dreaming of saying a final goodbye.

Mr Machismo

Mr Machismo is a greying man,

A greying man with a fake suntan.

A man who’ll wear black sunglasses anytime of year,

Black sunglasses to match the rest of his gear.

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