Excerpt for Once Upon a Fickle Mind by , available in its entirety at Smashwords



by Twani Toria


Once Upon a Fickle Mind is a work of fiction, inspired by my desire to publish a free poetry book, as an act to get my writings out there to the world. It is intended as a start for me, into publishing other works.

However, the whole message of this poetry was further inspired by a micro poetry I once wrote, and posted on instagram (you will find that I used it as an epigraph in this book). It entails the odds faced by an inconsistent fellow filled with too much regrets to give him/herself to love.

Your supports mean everything to me. Hence, help me promote this book, by sharing with your friends, and informing them to share with as many people as they can. You can also use hashtag #onceuponaficklemindbytwanitoria or #oufmbytwanitoria on instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and others.

Thank You!



Being the fickle-minded

human that I am, I find

it quite crazy, to be this

sure about us.

° This Heart Needs a Home °

I keep looking for a heart to call home,

where I wish to rest my love,

and commit myself forever.

Many a heart, have I found,

many of them have I torn apart,

with my claws of inconsistency.

I keep looking for a heart to call home,

but my mind's too veering to uphold

such a desire.

° It Won't Last °

I never expressed what I felt inside;

these feelings I have for you.

I kept them all in,

because there was every possibility,

that they would change over time.

° Don't Love Me °

I besiege you my darling,

not to fall in love with me,

for I might hurt you,

though not intentionally,

but I might hurt you anyway.

° No Loyalty Here °

Loyalty is nonexistent in my dictionary,

promising forever, is all but a fantasy;

I keep failing at maintaining such a belief.

My fickle mind has destroyed too many souls,

it feels foolish to think it will be different with you.

° Is There a Possibility? °

Years have passed,

yet my feelings for you remain the same.

Could it be that I've been redeemed

from this curse of inconsistency?

Am I truly capable of loving someone to the very end?

All these questions, I asked myself.

But never did I give them a try.

° Love Has Found Me °

Love has found me,

this is I know.

Love has found me,

yet, I remain constantly on my heels,

running from it,

with all the strength I've got.

Love has found me,

but my heart's too ugly to accept such a beauty.

° Another Option °

I never went for you,

instead, I would opt for the ones

who had no love in their hearts.

I wanted to break my heart,

just as I have done others in the past.

I wanted to punish myself for my wrongs.

But these were all futile,

because I never loved any of those guys.

° Too Good For Me °

You told me to let myself love you,

you told me to go on with you,

regardless of what I think might

happen to us in the end.

You said, " let love play out."

Oh! how tempted was I

to take you up on your offer.

But I just couldn't,

cos I find you too sacred,

to be used as an experiment.

° I'm Happy For You °

I heard you got married,

and blessed with two children.

But best of all, I heard you are happy.

Thus, while it seems to hurt that

I do not share this life with you,

I feel content for you all the same,

for it is better to be in the hands of

someone who makes you happy,

than with a being who would

excel in fumbling with your heart.

° The Truth Dawns (1) °

I know I said I am happy for you,

but I must confess that I am sad for myself.

These feelings I thought would go away

have survived three decades, unchanging.

In fact, they seem to grow stronger by the day.

° The Truth Dawns (2) °

So much time has passed,

and in this time, have I seen the truth,

Truths I was too pathetic to practice.

Love entails having faith,

but all I ever did was doubt my ability to love.

I ruined us, before we even started.

And knowing that I can't have you now,

I can't help but feel wretched, and foolish.

° Still On Truth (a General Remark) °

The truth, even when bitter,

is the best thing that can ever

happen to us. Although, it

may sting at first, or hurt us

too much for us to accept it,

The truth remains the one

thing everyone runs back to,

at the end of it all. We tend

to appreciate it someday, cos

it offers us some kind of

redemption. It sets us free.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to contact me: twanitoria@yahoo.com

You can also reach me on:

FACEBOOK: Twani Toria

INSTAGRAM: @twanitoria_

Thank you!

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(Pages 1-20 show above.)