Excerpt for Silent Cry by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Silent Cry

by Yllana Black



Published by Yllana Black

Cover Art Design: Yllana Black

Cover Art Image: Rinmaru Games:Spooky Doll Creator

Copyright 2017 Yllana Black

Smashwords Edition



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Dedication

To anyone who can relate, this is for you.





Table of Contents

Silent Cry

Do you know who I am?

From the Bottom of my Heart

No Matter

Impossible Love

Live, my Love

Try

In My Own Cage

My World

To You, From Me

From the Author

About Yllana Black







Silent Cry



I cry silently in the night,
No tears, no sobs,
Just the deafening scream of the heart.
Hollow and dark,
Slowly dying inside.
No one knows, no one cares,
A blind eye they’ve always been,
To not see the broken pieces within.

Just as it had been and always will be,
Those eyes will never see.
Because no one cares, so no one will know,
I’ll continue to die, mourning alone,
To the place no one had been,
The screams and pain will hide,
Through the night, with the Silent Cry.



Do You Know Who I Am?



Do you know who I am,
Or do you just know my name?
Do you care about how I feel,
Or do you just want me to kneel?

Does anybody know if I’m happy or sad?
To the littlest things that made me glad,
Up to the tiny lies that hurts me so bad,
How many times I tried to shed blood?

Does anybody know how many times I cried?
Twice a day and always at night.
Will I met someone before I die,
Who will let me see the light?

Do you know who I am,
Or do you just know my name?
Will anybody know who I am,
Without knowing just my name?





From the Bottom of my Heart



I want to smile from the bottom of my heart.
I want to laugh from the bottom of my heart.
I want to cry from the bottom of my heart.
I want to be able to feel the pain and sorrow of its loss.

I'm tired of fooling myself.
I'm tired of lying to myself.
I'm tired of everyone who expects me to be someone else.
I want to be freed from the cage called 'expectations'.

I no longer have the will to fight for my dream.
The dream that you shattered while laughing at me.
The dream that kept me going through the hardships .
The dream that no longer exist, together with my will.

I may sound like a child whining of a lost candy.
A candy that can be replaced so easily.
But that candy is the only one I've ever have.
And nobody offered me a single one.

It's a dream I've built from the bottom of my heart.
It's a dream that shields me and protects me from everything.
Now that it's gone, I can feel every pain, every weakness.
So weak I am, that I choose to numb myself from everything.

So now I can't smile from the bottom of my heart.
Now I can't laugh from the bottom of my heart.
Now I can't cry from the bottom of my heart.
But now that I looked back, I had never been able to anyway.



No Matter



No matter how loud you scream for help,
No one is going to come.
No matter how you plead or beg,
The pain won’t go away.

Even when you are in a brink of death,
There is no escaping it.
Even when you no longer can handle it,
The torture will never stop.

Even if you smile brightly like the sun,
Exceed the kindness of a Saint,
Try to be good as you can be,
The world will bring you down.

No matter how many times you help people,
When it’s you who is in trouble,
Everyone would leave,
That is how humans, you and I, live.



Impossible Love



I don’t want to but I have to,
I can but I won’t,
Letting you stay,
Letting you go,
Two choices I’ll never be sure.

I love you,
You love me,
Something mutual,
Something we share,
Love is nothing but despair.

We have to let go,
We have to move on,
One love, two roads,
Walking our paths alone,
Never be together again.



Live, my Love



If I disappear right now,
Would you exist for me?
If I died right here,
Would you live for me?

You’ll never understand,
And I don’t want you to.
I just want you to know,
To know how much I love you.

I know you’ll be shocked,
Then you’ll surely cry.
Blame yourself for everything,
Wishing it was you who died.

But please hear me out,
It wasn’t you and it was never me.
It’s the world that is pushing me,
The world that wants me dead.

I didn’t win but I know you’ll do,
See this world until the very end.
I died for the both of us,
So it’s up to you to live for you and me.



Try



I want to smile and laugh every day,
Together with all of them,
I want to smile and laugh every minute,
For any time I could spare.

Even when times are hard and rough,
I try my best to smile.
I may be weak and fragile,
But laughing at problems makes me look tough.

I don’t want to waste any time sleeping,
Trying my best to stay awake at night.
If I was given even a single moment to think,
Definitely, those tears and agony would come in sight.



In My Own Cage



I am happy as I could be,
Children running and playing with glee.
Then one little boy climbed happily up the tree,
But fell down and hurt his knee.

I am happy as I could be,
Girls helping each other even though in a street.
A girl carried all their bags though she’s thin as a sheet,
But the girl complained so they left her tired and beat.

I am happy as I could be,
Couples walking hand in hand, smiling free.
Then the man said, “Will you marry me?”
But the girl said no and ran off with another she.

I am happy as I could be,
Family having picnics while enjoying the scene.
Then a beggar passed by surrounded with fleas,
But with a disgusted look, they run and flee.

I am happy as I could be,
Alone inside and locked up in here,
Away from that pain and suffering ,
A place when I am hurt by nothing.



My World



In this world, I scream,
My cries of horror,
My anguish pain,
Of dreams I lost,
And nightmares I'd gained.

Over and over, again and again,
Deep inside of me,
I wished for everything to end.
Go where silence beckons,
And darkness befalls.



To You, From Me



It's okay to cry,
To not try,
Fake a smile,
Or live a lie.

It's okay to be lost,
Just for a little while,
Find yourself,
Of who you really are.

It's okay to complain,
Of your heart's pain,
Let it all bleed,
Sometimes, it's what we need.

It's okay to look down,
Or put up a frown,
Instead of trying,
Pretending not dying.

It's okay to get up,
Run and just stop,
Walk or crawl,
And try not to fall.

It's okay to scream,
Sing the songs you feel
Dance to the rhythm
Tone-deaf, left feet, doesn't matter!

It's okay to ask questions,
Try to look for some directions.
Back to the ones you've left before,
This time, try to treasure them more

It's still okay to cry,
Just to try,
Attempt a smile,
And live your life.





###

From Yllana Black



Thank you for reading this book. These are poetries I managed to dig up in my old notebook and computer, created when there's no outlet for my emotions or when I can't let my emotions show. When there are times my tears are in a position that they can't reveal itself in the physical aspect such as liquid coming from my eyes, in my heart and in my soul, these words keep repeating over and over in my head. This book is the tears I shed when I was a child. Trying to hold strong until I can find a safe-haven where they can freely fall...

If you want more of them, please leave a review or a message at your favorite retailer. Sad to say, but I have a lot more where they came from.

About Yllana Black



Yllana Black is still a little girl at heart who spends most of 70 percent of her time in her mind. She loves watching anime, reading books (especially romance with HEA) and trying to learn new things that don't involve getting outside the house and socializing. She's still working on that issue.




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