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Wandering Further

Jen Selinsky

Copyright © 2005 by Jen Selinsky

All rights reserved by the author. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior permission of the copyright holder.

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Cover Art Copyright © 2011 by Travis Potts

ISBN: 9781370523276



*Not every poem included in this book is dated in chronological order. This is not an oversight on my part. Rather, I have made changes and substitutions over the years.

-J.L.S.



Do You Remember?

Do you remember the nights when I held your hand?

Can you recall the time we spent in each other’s embrace?

Oh, how I yearn and long to relieve those memories,

Yet the impossible day has started.

Darling, how could I forget you when these thoughts

Stand so clear in my mind?

It’s far too hard to say “adieu,” when you know

That I still love you.

When the petals from the flowers fall,

So does the reincarnation of hope.

Your love was all; this is a new feeling with which

I cannot cope.

Do you remember how our love was, unconditional,

Undying, and the finest of all?

Oh, take me back to those times!

12/27/97



I can’t shake this feeling—such

A strange and awkward moment;

Even books are thrown into the most

Bizarre category.

I cannot top this thought that I have,

Daydreaming of abnormal people

On cobblestone streets—

Selling gold into people’s minds

And minds into the void space.

Run away with the wind.

Split the thought and

Disregard normality,

For strange days are

Coming nigh.

12/28/97



I’ve apprehended the master mind—

Another criminal hard at work.

Just give me some space and a little

Fresh air; I’ll solve the case in less

Time than it took.

Genius is such a fine quality to possess,

And I must confess that it went the

Wrong way.

I’m here to stay;

It’s such a shame to let a fine mind go to waste.

Haste, I must make a plan to decide the

Criminal’s future; until then, my mind is

To remain awake.

Just for Humanity’s sake, intake, I shall thrive

You’ve come to fight the best, so just

Hand me to the knife.

I no longer feel the strife…

9/22/99



Rock Me by the Sea

Rock me by the sea,

When cometh the start of day,

Either to let me be,

Or to move my way.

Rock me by the sea, where inspiration grows

My heart shall no longer carry a heavy toll.

And from then, I’ll write the most

Beautiful prose.

Rock me, oh muse, a lifetime filled with joy.

Heavenly delight, and a meaning to employ

Let my spirit soar high and never

Touch the ground.

Oh, rock me by the sea,

Where the tide is sure to be found.

12/28/99



As long as I have you, right in my embrace,

My heart is sure to never lose face.

Any man of great background

Just cannot compete.

With thy gentle arms and loving heart

‘Tis a phase I will repeat.

If you want to be mine, just say the words.

By that, I can guarantee your soul will

Combine with mine, and I will always love you.

A heavenly embrace—

Your heart is mine to keep.

Consider how long we will be together;

Consider the time that’s near.

An everlasting vow we can call our own;

Give thanks to the hand that led us here!

12/28/97



What Do I Hear?

What do I hear in the car stereo?

Is it Wagner, The Doors, or Les Mis?

Just all the music I enjoy

Nothing more, and nothing less.

What do I hear on a springtime day?

Children out at play—

Some kind of fancy fray?

Or is it just a song the hummingbird sings?

What do I hear during a day at school?

I assure you that it’s not the classroom fool,

Or the parrot in the back of the room.

‘Tis a song of joy when I receive my grades,

And I sound loud over a 4.0.

Imagine a day at peace.

Now tell me, what do you hear?

12/28/97



As the lights shine and dim,

I try to find the meaning of life.

Yet, the night is coming near,

Although I cannot see the day.

My heart dwells to find the truth—

A truth which does not exist.

And a road that can be traveled only once

What is the meaning of this life,

And are we supposed to be here at all?

Why waste time on meaningless worry

When one can explore all great possibilities?

12/29/97



As sure as the sun still rises in the sky,

I know I can love you just as well.

My heart knows you’re the only one;

No sorrow lies within my heart,

If even I know you’ll never be mine.

Even if the light is fading,

My heart shall deem you as righteous.

As unrequited lovers once felt—the love

That they never received, though it

Was regarded as high in their hearts.

If all the struggles are great and cause pain,

They are a part of sad light.

No matter if another is found,

And no matter if it still cannot be.

I should hold you in my heart, darling, forever.

12/29/97



A mind is nothing which shouldn’t be used;

That’s why one should spend time reading

Good prose.

All the history lessons of the world

Will make more sense that way.

All humanity will become more than a lesson.

Behold! The beloved mind is setting the distance

Apart between ignorance and fame.

Thou shalt not feel more shame.

Mathematics open up a new dimension

When abstract thoughts come into play.

A mind is the birth of

A whole new nation!

12/29/97



The Little Angel

She is a sweet, small thing

Who lives inside my house—

A little coat made of fur.

She was born only twelve years ago,

But she has given us all great company.

I know not what I’d do if I had to send

Her away because she is good to hold.

I love my little angel

Because she is such a dear.

There’s no one I’d like more as my companion

No one understands me quite as well.

It’s such a treasure to have a cat,

Whose heart is willing to tell!

*dedicated to April

12/31/97



My feet touch the golden sand,

And it burns into my soles.

Looks can be deceiving.

One thing that’s beautiful

Can be so deadly.

When I yearn to have good looks,

I think how great it would be.

I also consider the possibility

That I could become pompous.

I raise one foot from the golden sand,

And, then, my mind becomes clear.

I raise the other, and the torrid truth is revealed.

But when I raise my both, my body begins to ascend…

12/31/97



Can no one define my expression,

Could it be a lack of love, or depression?

A flower in the day may smell so sweet,

But, yet, there is no fragrance at night.

Now there’s a void in my heart, as well as in my mind.

I am tired and feeble, and

I would like to go!

12/31/97



Christmas, a time for all to be merry.

Christmas to celebrate the birth of our Lord.

So sacred (to become secular over the years).

God does what He sees right.

A Time of merriment

Held this day every year,

Yet we should always have

The spirit of Christmas cheer!

1/4/98



Love Is (Jealousy)

Love is what matters the most.

Love should not hinder the mind,

As the heart endures great meaning.

Love is what everyone feels

And what everyone acknowledges.

Love blinds the eyes, yet it opens up the heart.

Love allows one to overlook any flaws

That the other may possess.

Love is unconditional, so tell me,

Do you really love her as you say?

1/4/98



When I held you in my arms,

Did your whole world spin?

Did your heart light a torch;

Did my mind blow a fuse?

We were wrong for each other,

But how soon I would like to forget!

What a joy! I have loved you the most.

How could I forget the greatest thing I felt?

Despite what our minds thought, we should have

Looked at our hearts.

What a fool! If it wasn’t for one issue

That could never be resolved, we would

Be singing together in unison.

1/4/98



Pretentious war deity,

You always find a way to break up fond souls.

Do you only care for yourself?

Pretentious war deity,

Why make hate and not love?

Your rotting soul has done no one good;

Your very presence is a disgrace to the world.

Pretentious war deity,

Fuck you!

1/4/98



Sinuous sneaky snake,

You’re always behind my back.

Sinuous sneaky snake, I want to know

Just how you work,

Megalomaniac!

O’, how you underrate and watch behind,

Ready to attack your prey.

You hunt prey as you are here—

Making us all afraid.

Oh, snake, you should retire

All your terrible deeds!

1/4/98



You are my genius; my inspiration

Has formed from you.

How can I tell you just

How much you mean to me—

A precious friend to place in high regard?

Let us never part;

When my heart needs a piece,

You lend it to me.

I shall always do the same.

O’, wondrous muse,

Don’t ever fly away.

My life begins with you;

Promise me you’ll never leave!

1/4/98



An anxious feeling sweeps across my body.

What can I do with tension and time?

Anxious boredom.

How can I deal with the remainder?

Pondering thoughts,

Wondering about life.

Why does the moon rise

And the sunset?

Night betrothed the day.

When I circle in your arms,

Time goes by in a dark room.

The television to my right will do me

No good!

1/4/98



What provokes me the most are the expectations

Society places on both genders.

Why should all women have maternal instincts?

Men should not support that they should be

Stone-faced with no emotions.

What right do we have to let our feelings show

If the male gender cannot?

Gender bias. Bigot pigs!

All this emphasis on children, spoiled brats!

Adults get far less attention than we deserve,

Sometimes.

Morals, values, and beliefs.

So I am too stubborn for my own good!

Friends, I beseech you to put an end to all this—

This ludicrous behavior.

Do your own things, and let others go as they please—

No more forced gender roles and bigoted opinions.

1/4/98



As I Realize I’m Not Suited for This World

The door to my left opens,

But I realize that it did not do so for me.

It’s for those who are content

With their lives.

I find that I am not suited for this world

Because everyone hates my ways.

Despising me for what I am

Seems to be the popular trend.

I cannot cope, nor do I feel comfortable

Around large amounts of people.

Why was I sent to this place

A reason for my existence?

Not to gain love from society.

Therefore, what is the significance of me

Going on?

I will not know,

Until someone tries to tell me why I’m here.

1/10/98



I walk down the hall

To see many doors in both directions

The building is dark, yet

I can always see in front of me—

As if a fog lifting makes every vision closer.

I check the door to my right and open it;

An old merry-go-round horse is inside.

The room has no lights, just old boxes with splotches

Of white paint, scattered in my memory.

All the others are virtually mundane

That’s why, to this day, these old images stand out

In my mind—only right before dawn,

To have me wake up and I realize that I’m in my bed.

1/10/98



Intellectual Without a Clue

Birth without a clue

Into a world that promises misery

And nothing less.

What were the scars and bruises

You ever so proudly wore?

Your family, your home, your life?

Why has love played no part—

No purpose fulfilled.

Did you fear that the one you held in your arms,

While you slept would abandon you soon?

Down the drain, write a song.

‘Tis a tale of one man,

Who saved another’s life;

The intellectual finally got a clue!

1/15/98



As cherished, the brightest ray of the sun—

No ruby on a finger is more valuable than thee.

A deity, more praised in my heart’s radiant sight—

No one is more blessed than myself.

A kiss from your lips is sweeter tasting

Than all the fine wine in France.

To hold you is the pure delight of heaven itself—

The sky changes its hue in your presence.

Can I be sure that this moment will last?

No bird sounds as great as your voice of good song.

No comparison, for you are heaven itself.

No rogue in disguise can fool me with his charm,

For what better quality can he possess?

No stone or gem of very high value shall ever

Take your place, for nothing can succeed

Such perfection as yours.

1/15/98



All sincerity lost in thine eyes,

As I stare straight into them,

And I get back no reflection.

You inebriated fool!

You let no one and nothing get in your way.

Just keep taking advantage of everything surrounding

Such selfishness on your part,

And I am not included in your plan.

Don’t you try and convict me

Of a crime that’s plaguing your mind!

Don’t try to condemn me, for you are the damned

In all your lies I finally see the truth,

You’re the phoniest amongst the world of frauds!

1/15/98



Initial emotion

How do you feel about my presence?

I, alone, hold a candle in the dark,

Dressed in a white gown.

Head hanging low.

Do you take me as I am, or must I

Mend my ways?

Give me the delight I desire

And hold it close to your heart.

Initial emotion.

Be with me;

Guide me through the night of spells.

Here in my gown,

I hold the sorrow of which I want to be rid.

Heal me in the night

And discover my true yearning,

For it is you whom I desire.

1/15/98



The Boston Poem

Never was a city such as Boston

Claimed out of sheer delight.

Plenty of wonderful activities planned for the day

And a poetic mysticism took over during the night!

Such a wide variety presented all to me,

And no one can go wrong.

This fine city corresponds to everyone’s needs.

In Boston, every individual can belong.

Not only well noted but a place that I love

When I go there, I take part in activity

And give thanks to the Lord up above.

There’s nothing that I find loathsome or hateful

About the capital in which I dwell.

If it weren’t for the fine city of which I discovered

Comparatively speaking, I would not live well.

Shall I go out for a walk today,

Or stay indoors to read a book?

Even though I’ve seen the city wonders,

I am always willing to take a look!

4/15/98



Cheap air

What kind of a planet is this?

What kind of life can possibly live

On such an unknown land?

This place is called anxiety,

And I am caught in the middle!

4/15/98



I am a stranger in the mire—

In the sunken lands of lost dreams and hope.

Whisk me away on a whirlwind

To a medieval land.

I want to merge with the canvas

And blend in with the times.

Oh, how I long to be free of the shackles

That have a hold on me today!

4/15/98



This Undecided Feeling

“Who goes there?”

I ask in the middle of the night,

As if I’m going to get a direct answer.

Uncertainty, a feeling that comes

In the midst of my dreams.

How can life

Be so indecisive?

I plunge into the land of nightmares

And find that there’s no direct cure,

For the time of this

Terror is during the day,

And a temporary antidote called sleep.

O’, treacherous monster,

Why do you torture me so?

Is this in the name of

My youth and innocence

Or the lack thereof?

So uncomfortable and so alone, I sit in the far

Right corner.

Only God, Himself, can rescue me from oblivion.

“Who goes there?” again no answer.

Perhaps this time the light has gone out,

And the feeling is to remain undecided

I’ll go back to my sleep, and hope

That I never wake!

4/15/98



Guilt-Ridden

Is it all my fault that I

Chose to push Love away?

Should I place the blame

On my shoulders to

Remain there forever?

Guilt is riding me and

Refuses to let go.

He won’t step down and

Let me be.

Every time I seek shelter,

Guilt is still holding tight.

I face the burden in the morning,

And I can only escape at night.

Why have I done so much bad,

Which could possibly be worse?

Someone fetch me a rock

So that I can overthrow Guilt, and

Happiness can escort me through

The path to Success.

4/17/98



The Vast Sea

Look into my eyes, and tell me

That I won’t do it!

Fetch me a knife so that I can

Cut open my arm and swim

In a sea of blood.

What adventure, heart, and emotion.

I can find swimming in the vast sea

I see some of my closest friends and family.

How promising the future is when

I can rely on history?

I’ve seen all that I can see by

Swimming in the sea.

4/17/98



To “Aunt Toots,” Departed

One life you lived, now you

Move on to another.

We go passing our souls up

To the Lord in heaven

For death is not the end;

All good does not stop there.

The Lord taketh from one life (thine)

And gives unto another.

Her poor body has ceased all its motion,

But her soul lives on!

We carry her on the golden horses to the

Holy gates to be greeted by the Son of God.

Alas! The soft and fragile heart of red

Has stopped, but the gilded heart of goodness

Shall beat for evermore

In God’s kingdom of heaven!

*dedicated to Mary Mellencamp Cowles

8/1/98



Oh God! Feel the power surging through my body

What is this change?

How subtle my life has

Become mellow.

Oh God, it’s grown fast again!

Time to fall out of the light and

Right off the stage.

8/10/98



How dour and bland the climate is.

I see pictures of those from generations past

Hanging on the wall in the hall.

Life…death;

My ancestors are here.

Let’s dance, wine, and dine

Until we fall asleep.

8/10/98



“May I go to your garden and court you?”

A gentleman called to his lady.

What a fine day—filled with

The scents of lovely flowers.

Shall we go for a stroll?

(Two monsters mating in a flower shop.)

Take my hand, fulfill my dreams;

Let us dance through the grass.

8/10/98



Oh treachery! Lecherous beast,

Terrorizing me in the night.

Run away from the terror,

Heart pounding

And throbbing;

I don’t want to waste the

Terrible sky that

Haunts me so.

More horror! As I watch goblins and

Ghosts combine.

Hell’s glow

(O’ help) Hurry! Let’s away right now!

The angry moon is staring down

O’, treachery, let me be!

How morbid a thought.

8/10/98



Dance with me in the frozen tundra,

Winter embrace.

Feel the romance and the sting

Harpsichords and music.

Beautiful happenings, let’s go further!

Dance with me in winter’s embrace.

8/10/98



Cowboys and guitars, high noon will never

Be the same again, let’s rebel in the west!

Old America, do you still exist?

Prove me the worth and travel.

How long has it been?

I’ve seen and heard the

People’s land.

Let’s dance to the music and

Mingle with the locals.

Buy, sell, trade

I must go eventually, but let’s stay

For a while.

Music fast-sounding,

A whirlwind memory of the past…

8/10/98



Let’s get drunk and play a little guitar;

It’s as simple as that.

Hide under a sombrero.

A journey through the

Spanish-speaking lands.

O’, the longing for knowledge

Let the wind carry us

Treasure in the sea;

Let’s never return!

8/10/98



An eagle flies the blazing sun,

Eagerly waiting for the

Native American tribe.

Let’s trade the season,

Trade the day.

I no longer feel in one piece,

As the sun explodes into small

Triangles…waiting impatiently.

How much longer until

I get paranoid?

Just let me go into the wild;

I am tortured and want to be slain.

Oh relief! How sweet thy face

You are the right thing belonging

To my heart.

8/10/98



A merry-go-round, let’s frolic.

Hand and hand, round and round

A spiritual high.

Crying out to a dear friend,

My life was a big high.

We’ve lost our state of being,

But we remain ever so merry

A longing to dance forever, can it last?

O’ sweet familiar sounds so reminiscent,

No need to criticize.

Let’s all cry out to our friends

And try to find the truth.

8/10/98



Come with me to a foreign land;

Join me on the ship.

Our journey will be long-lasting, but effortless.

Let’s toss back some alcohol and enjoy our state

Of our inebriation.

Well, now I want to go back home.

I’m in good spirits to see you,

But my time has come.

We shall meet again.

Never step on loneliness, and

Enjoy the night and day while they last.

8/10/98



A daze, a haze,

We’re in some kind of strange land.

That only one’s imagination can dream up.

Release your mind and float away.

Let’s dream and gaze at the rigid sky,

So wet and soft that our imaginations

Seem so fresh.

8/10/98



Outcasts, no one will accept me,

So I must hide in the rainy gutters.

Taking time to notice how strange

Everyone else is when you see

All the depths of yourself.

I see that the world isn’t all that bad when

Everyone’s so different.

8/10/98



Fall from the light and practice

Your voodoo on me.

Try to shoot a flying bird,

Then watch the symbolism die.

In a groove, shaking in front of me.

No end comes to mind;

Never let go of these awkward phases.

Pierce me, cut me; I find no error

In my line.

Lets’ swing, groove, until we die…

8/10/98



Meteorites falling, the world is one huge

Firework!

Kisses exploding,

Your touch stills the earth.

The clouds are crying their sweat; it grips my mind.

Never let me go!

The world can stop spinning

Just as long as we don’t,

Let the old music flood the earth.

Spinning and spinning forever,

Until it comes to a stop!

8/10/98



The Loveable Girl

Love me, hold me, no matter what happens.

I am irresistible and adorable.

Take me; I am not to be wasted!

I am mischievous and meddlesome.

Hold me, no matter what!

You’re under my power,

No matter how much you claim to hate me,

You’ll always come crawling back.

8/10/98



You’re extravagant!

I want you to be my very own.

Let’s roll the dice and move the game pieces.

Always on my mind.

Solar eclipse.

Your wonderful self

Wouldn’t happen to have room for me,

Would it?


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