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Beginning Faith

Jen Selinsky

Copyright © 2006 by Jen Selinsky

All rights reserved by the author. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior permission of the copyright holder.

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Cover Art Copyright © 2012 by Travis Potts

ISBN: 9781370122950



*Not every poem included in this book is dated in chronological order. This is not an oversight on my part. Rather, I have made changes and substitutions over the years.

-J.L.S.



When I dream, I don’t believe

That it’s an omen, but its

Something that I want to

Happen or not.

During the night, I have my

Certain moments; my mind

Functions differently in the

Unconscious.

Things are more elaborate and strange.

I’m being chased by a monster while

Flying away freely.

People such as myself are the very

Ones who are strange; to have the

Normality is quite an awkward thing.

Many things in life are unexplored,

So let’s find some time to analyze them

Properly.

Whether for purpose or for shame,

Dreams come into everyone’s life.

All things in this

Existence can be

Explained with

One mind only, and

That is where I can

See myself come in.

Step inside, so that

I can give everyone

Some room to breathe…

10/11/99



Why must I fraternize with these idiots?

I have much better things to do at this time.

Restrictions holding me back no longer

Concern my ego because I shouldn’t

Have to waste my time concerning myself

With people such as these.

The world is in peril over someone’s

Loss of sleep, and I have something to

Do about it.

I don’t want to have to govern, and I don’t

Want to have to police.

Release me into the day that is great.

I’ll have nothing else to do with you people

And the taunts which come from within.

I’m now my own individual;

Hurray to those who gave me the claim.

10/11/99



I’m at my school and practically naked,

And there’s a man right down the hall.

I try to get him to notice by handing

Him an award, and all he said was “thanks,”

Like some kind of ingrate.

No one even found out until I heard a parade;

The marching band was coming down the hall.

A friend of mine was leading them from

Out of sight, and she noticed that I was

Without clothes, and she told me with a fright

To put something on, then handed me a flag

From her pole.

The garment appeared to be a nightgown.

I didn’t want to put it on, so we went our separate ways.

A few girls saw me then let out their outrageous laugh.

Embarrassed beyond belief, I did as though they said.

I tried to cover myself up, and that’s where it

All came to an end.

10/12/99



Soccer in the street, so ordinary, though I

Was the one to participate in the match.

Don’t tell too many people that you

Happen to know because this kind of information

Should not be released to the public.

If you wanted me to play sports as a professional

Occupation, you should have traded me with

Only one of the best.

I decide that I only want to write some poetry,

But you do whatever else you’d like.

As long as I have a decision that is freedom, I shall

Issue no complaint that is futile.

Burn away all the evils of the past; get rid of all

The souls that haunt your bones.

That’s all the lack of freedom has to give, and I want no

Parts of it, at all.

Control me you shall never do, and I am quite

Proud of that fact.

10/12/99



If you’re frightened, I’ll hold your hand;

Just please don’t abandon me now.

Many years ahead, oh so many years;

The depression has reduced me to tears.

Don’t cry just as me, I need someone else

To be stable—someone else to help me with

Times such as these.

You’re so good to me, I’d like to marry you,

If I’m able.

I give you all the time in the world to think

Over the proposal.

Great joy shall come to my heart

By either way you answer, for being single

Is another thing that is grand.

Oh, please wake up to the bells that ring for you;

They cannot hold their tone forever.

Long-lasting joy places itself in the hearts of many.

I am one of those that it shall contain.

No more sorrow shall ever knock on my door

Because I see myself as a new woman.

10/12/99



What a funny girl I am because I seem to

Have lost my way—

And all these years I thought I was on the right path.

Whatever you decide to do to me is okay,

As long as you see that I’m the girl who

You’re looking for.

Just do this as a promise to me.

It’s so peculiar how we met, and you are

The strangest person I’ve ever known

In my life.

Jolly to see that I have you around, for to

Be alone would mean the end of me.

A friend is a soul on whom one can depend;

You are the greatest person that I ever had,

And let it be so until the very end.

10/12/99



Sad as I may sound, I see my

Love is drowned.

Make a grave to mark his place—

Flowers should be arranged by the

Light of the moon because no one

Can see his beauty.

Alas! What a loss!

I guess his time just came so early,

And mine is left to mourn.

10/12/99



Well, here I am in modern day life,

And I still don’t know how to trade.

When all my affairs come crashing down hard,

I pick up the pieces and try to decide where

I stand on this planet.

The results could be different from what

I expect, and I don’t know how the

End will be.

I hope I can sort out all the difficulties

So that I would not lead myself to

Any kind of pain.

O’, wrap your arms around my soul in mercy

Because everyone needs some comforting relief.

I’ll assuage you later when you have some time

That you can use to cry, and please remember that

I’ll always be right by your side, no matter if

The blood runs thick or thin, but I cannot

Get rid of this feeling either way.

10/12/99



We could live the perfect life together,

So you should consider giving me a call.

I’ll never grow tired of your sweet smile

And the color of your eyes.

Perhaps we could spend some time in Mexico,

Maybe find us a house so that we could

Live down there.

Who knows, perhaps we’ll get married someday,

And our love shall be cherished.

Nothing else in my mind could be so sweet.

We’ll make love under the sky, lit by the moon,

And start a romantic escapade.

I can’t wait for that night to come so that

Everything else can just fade away.

Our souls shall recall a familiar façade behind

The times.

My darling, please tell me that you love me

And that you’ll never leave my side.

I want to be yours to hold forever, and I

Hope that I can keep you as mine.

10/12/99



The portrait of the woman is hanging

On the wall, but what would happen

If it were to fall?

The whole world’s collapsing without

Time to even breathe, yet I cannot see

To where I can escape.

When you saw me act distressed, I wondered

If you would react at best.

Panic has its grip on me, and I’m trying

A new way to fling it off my back.

Why can’t it easily go away when I want it to;

Is there some kind of command that I must

Follow first?

My days are numbered, and so are yours,

So let’s find a way to escape this place.

My heart sings the same tune as my mind,

And they both seek the place of the freedom

Enterprise.

We now depart this land, in hopes of finding

Another that’s suitable.

10/12/99



The failure to complete my mission

Has caused a hectic day for me.

I want to venture far from this world

And create one of my own.

All the nonsense I want could be

There as I realize that I make my own rules,

And everybody else will have to

Take a stand.

Private men shall be my servants in

My chamber during the night,

Some of us shall discuss politics.

I want everything to be mysterious—

Even more so than they were before.

My hair will be wild with flowers,

And my frocks shall

Flow down to the floor.

All the men in the palace shall adore

And respect my every

Command, as I will

Repay them with

Pleasure, later, in my bed.

In my library,

Let the stacks of books

All be a mile high

I shall read at least one

Every night and hold it

In my thoughts, so nigh.

10/12/99



I’ve had my eyes on you all night

During the fall, and I was wondering

If you would allow me the honor

Of dancing with you.

I know that you’ve been shy to the

Other women who’ve asked, but

I’m here tonight to relieve you of

The spell.

Just take it nice and slow so that

We get to know each other; no

Pressure will be given out on my part.

You stand out from the others because

You’re the most breathtaking man

Who’s present in the room.

No other has caught my attention

Because your originality, to me,

Is the best.

I want you to know that your handsome

Face is not the only thing that attracted me,

For you seem to be an

Intelligent man as well.

You’ve got me under your spell, and I see

No way of getting myself out.

Once I partake, I’m attracted here for life.

So, please allow me the honor

Of dancing with you;

We can go at the level of your comfort.

10/13/99



I feel relieved, but my day is not yet done;

I’ve so many more things to accomplish.

Not everything is completely finished

According to my plan.

Give me some time to rest so that I may

Recover greatly.

I’m thinking of you, and my mind

Expands so much to the point

That I find relief.

O’, thank you, lucky star, for this

Wondrous salvation.

My gratitude goes all to you, and I hope

To see you have the best!

10/13/99



You caught me in a time of madness;

I would like it if you left me alone.

Just go away, so I can complete

My insanity; I would have a much

Easier time if you were not present.

My rants aren’t to be seen by anyone

But me, so please leave me be until

It’s over.

10/13/99



Longing to be a part of a real world,

I see myself doing irrational things.

Sometimes, I slaughter and massacre

A million and, other times, I give

Everyone my love.

No thanks to the role I have to play

In society, I’m stuck right with

The same old beliefs.

I thought I had hope, and I thought

I had freedom, but I guess I was

Wrong under both circumstances.

You gave me no clue as to what

To expect from you.

10/14/99



I carry the numbers that try to

Cancel me out.

And I have no doubt, that if

Life is an equation, I want

To get the hell out!

What has come over me,

For my normal load is now

Overbearing.

This is too much of a burden,

And I simply request it to stop.

If nothing can be done,

If nothing can be done about

The situation, then that is

Where I must come to a stop.

10/15/99



I really wanted to know you

And how you came to be.

I though it would be interesting

To study each other, but you

Obviously had no interest in me.

Was is something that

I’ve said or done?

Just tell me to my face;

I can no longer stand the pain

Of suspense because it’s killing me.

Just to get a word.

I’m perturbed; you’re acting the

Way that I do not want you to be.

Oh well, it’s your life, and decisions

Must be made.

Supposedly, I’m not the one to be

Included; I’ll now retire under the

Rock from which I came.

10/15/99



Thus ends the three hours of paradise,

And commences the three hours of hell.

The death of my pen comes at such an

Awkward time.

I am slowly decreasing my ability to

Write, as I already have when I was

Mentally unstable.

Here it goes, now it’s time to say farewell,

Adieu…

10/15/99



Alas! I have seen the last of my friend.

He died in the fire, what a shame.

I hope God brought him to heaven

So that he can rest in eternal peace.

That’s the least that could happen to

The poor man.

10/15/99



When the mute children assemble

Down the hall, I heard strange noises

Coming from beyond the other room,

And my voice was said to have

Been there.

Long as I’m concerned, I have nothing

To do with this monstrosity.

My opinions may differ from yours,

But that’s no reason to accuse me

Of the crime.

10/15/99



Idioms and phrases, what do they

All mean?

I take no notice of what the significance

Calls to me because I make my own

Interpretation as to what it all means.

10/15/99



You deceitful spider, how could you

Do this to me?

I have a right to knock you out,

Down by the ol’ family tree.

I knew what you wanted, and it

Wasn’t mine to give.

All washed away with the sieve—

Barbarous creature, you have an

Appetite for consumption.

If you ask me, I’d say that it’s more

For destruction.

10/15/99



You know I don’t feel well when

I forgot to note the day.

How could everything result in

Such carelessness?

The monotony is really getting

To me because I have nothing

Else to say.

Give me some time to breathe,

And express my literary colors.

I want to vacate to another state;

I want to be told the proper time.

Let me linger upon the shore of

Consciousness so that I can be told

That I have one more chance.

10/17/99



I like the way your language flows,

Could I keep you as my own?

Just being here gives me so much joy.

I’ve never been so happy in my life,

Until you walked right through the door.

I should ask you for more.

There’s so much now that I need to endure.

Hold me so that I can know that you’re here.

10/17/99



All along, I knew you were there,

Just because I received a cold stare.

Nothing that I’ve done should

Make you so perturbed.

Please allow me some time to awaken

Myself to life and its awkward functions.

I do not need all this aggravation.

10/17/99



I’m petrified with fear, and it’s

All my doing.

What has happened to my carefree,

Happy life?

I don’t want to go on and have to

Face the strife.

Somehow, I must get lost in the

Translation because my words don’t

Come out all the same.

I’m simply surprised that you came

Out with the conclusion that your

Monogamy is all a must.

You know that I fear

Such commitment,

You know of my unyielding lust.

I can only promise

To be a good comrade.

I’ll listen to all your problems and

Solve the ones that I never had.

A heart of a man must

Be a sacred thing

And a temple not to destroy.

Should I obey and

Give the heart of

Undying love, or should

I flee and hope

For the best yet above?

10/18/99



Like a small rodent run rampant in a cage,

My heart is beating at the ultimate speed—

Like that of a mighty steed.

I’m not sure if it’ll ever slow down.

Let’s not run into such rash decisions

Because I need some time to think.

Persistency will get you nowhere.

Thus ends another day, the complete

Element of surprise, and I feel as if I’m

Going to my demise.

My thoughts are awkwardly changed

Because nothing shall be the same.

In the remainder of the time that I have,

I would like to go out with a bang.

I want to be loved and remembered in

As many ways as possible, but this is

Not what quite what I had in mind.

Sacred and demeaning, your lies have

Affected me.

I don’t know which direction I should go

Because my thoughts are confused.

10/18/99



We romped and rolled down many hillsides

As my red frock trailed from behind.

You chased me along as I desired

Many happy folks never interfered in

Our dreams.

You had your shirt off and professed

Your love to me.

All along, someone’s little brother had

Showed me all his toys.

He smiled and said he’d heard it all before.

Through the blazing inferno, we went from

The pits of hell to the highest of the heavens.

I collected some coins and placed them all

In a small mug because they all were

A piece of my once-spoken dream.

How strange; our Lord works in mysterious ways.

10/18/99



During the night is when I realize

The true meaning of fear.

Nonconformity has done me no good;

I want to depart a happy woman.

1997



You intimidated me, and you

Taunted me until everyone else had

Seen what you’ve done, and I can’t

Believe that I permitted such behavior

From you.

Later that night, I gave you a call,

And it seemed everything else was fine.

For how else do you expect this awkward

Dream to end?

10/19/99



Just keep playing the music that only

Draws me closer because I love to listen

To the same old tune.

Nothing is new, and what a shame;

Did I get to hear your name?

You promised me a haven and sanctuary

Beyond belief.

Now comes the time to fill out

Your obligation, and I’m waiting ‘neath

The gilded tree.

I have to be collective in my fantasy.

Your words are the same, until

We join them in their differences.

Give up all my aspirations? Never!

What a preposterous thing for you to

Have to say.

Thus, I dip my pen in new ink, and

Out comes the same old response.

Would you like to have me the same way

That I am, or would you rather me change

The tune to my same, old, shallow drum?

10/19/99



One winter, I ran down the street in my

Victorian dress.

My necklace was a locket that contained

A heart, but I do not know whose.

I’m being pulled in all directions,

But I have the freedom to decide

Which way I should go.

All men say “come hither” with the intent

Of keeping me.

I am one person who’s capable to decide,

And all I want is to be free.

Night has gotten dark, for the color’s

Here to stay.

Unless I make the decision this instant,

Everyone is to be led into dismay.

Mumbling in bitter, ill regret of the soul,

I see that nothing is quite fair.

Give judgment to the woman who’s the wisest,

For she has seen it all before.

I close my eyes and my forehead wrinkles

In thought, begotten once.

10/19/99



Before all the horses were knocked down

And beaten, I made sure that they had

Their daily shots.

Vitamins and minerals are satisfying

To the brain.

The rest shall make me go insane because

They brought some people so much

Everlasting joy.

The Romans and the patriots will help me

To bring them up;

Together we can start a new life.

I trust that time will make their lashings heal.

Indentation marks shall have a short-lasting

Appeal.

Let these poor creatures rest, for they’ve

Had a tiring day.

We’ll commence when everything else

Shall be out of our way.

10/20/99



You won the prize

For the best literature.

I’d like to see it when you

Give all the others a chance.

You show a sly smile so that

Your face can be seen, and

I’ll never forget it.

Publicity and stunts

Call your name

When you’re ready to follow.

And the red-eyed blood hounds

Will chase you down, until they

Can get your every piece and

Your every thought.

Poor, hounded man, they will not

Cease until they win their decree.

I suggest that you run into the

Woods and jump into the portholes

That are made up of the trees.

Burn the wicked garden from which

The loonies spring, and you will

Find peace from the pen.

Softer words are now exchanged

Because I see you’ve found your fate.

Gather up your belongings and

Head back home; it’s now safe to

Venture freely into the world.

10/24/99



Severed heads of goddesses are

Floating in my mind, as nothing

Too familiar is left behind.

I didn’t need you to watch me, as

Failure was a fraud.

Please leave me alone to discover

My own, as Zeus has

Entered my mind.

Poor, living creatures have no other

Place to go, as the harsh wind shall

Blow even further down the road.

Living myths don’t occur too often,

And those that do are the rarest

In form.

I ask for a God, and all I get is

A deity.

The power is draining from my soul.

Drip, drip, drip goes the common

Faith into a pool that is rancid.

No longer shall

We have the right

To proudly breathe, for everything

Has gone away.

The reconstruction of our old ways

Are taboo as well as hard.

So much for our plan to conquer

The persisting empire.

10/24/99



Poor Oedipus is blinded by his

Determined fate.

How much longer do you think

The wait is before he goes insane?

To his mother he’s wed, and his

Father he has slain; the sphinx has

Been defeated by a sharp tongue

As a result of the witty brain.

Once the blind prophet came and

Told Oedipus his “lies,” he refused

To listen to the words of wisdom.

Thus he was led to the demise [of his eyes].

They are pierced in several places, and

Blood runs down his pale face.

10/24/99



I knew you were destined

To live here because I saw

Your words.

Present the likeness to me,

And I will give you an answer.

All the time, you built up

Your plans; love shone through

In your eyes.

I’d like to live your well-planned

Out dream because you will

Have no others.

Just stand by God, and all will

Be well!

10/24/99



Give me just a bit of love; you

Are my comrade.

I present to you everything

That you need in your life,

To put out Death’s strife.

God is watching overhead, as you

Put your faith in Him.

Down the hill to the Holy Land

Is where you have to go.

I’ll meet you when the dawn

Is over, when faith is right

By our side.

God has come, not to compromise;

He wants us to share the joy

Of each other in His land set aside.

Give me love and hold my hand;

That is my only known demand.

Faith is reached by a simple command;

One can share the world of the Lord.

And give himself unto the bleeding heart

Of the Holy Son.

10/24/99



Cute little kittens all lined

Up in a row—

Each one is different, as

One can plainly see.

I’d like to pet them and

Hear how they purr.

I’d like to hold them and

See how they would take

To my grasp.

If they need a home, I would

Gladly let them come with me.

In my house, they would

Have many things with which

To play—all the food and

Water they need.

Come here and see, I will

Give them proper care,

Mixed with lots of love.

They would have nothing

Finer than the quality of

The rooms in which the

Furniture gives way to a catnap.

Windowpanes translucent, with

The whole world on display.

Only the Lord knows what

Great care they would receive

If they were in my house to live.

Their little hearts would have

Nothing to grieve!

10/25/99



I’m trying to spit out the bullets

That you force-fed to me;

All your lies drive me to apathy.

Go away now; you will be forced

To leave.

I’ll close my eyes and count to ten;

You’d better be off my property.

Lack of rationalization can lead to

Aggressive thought.

I won’t hit you

Too hard if you

Respect my wishes.

Just get out

Without a trace or clue.

My eyes are

Watching you, so I can

Detect any false moves.

Don’t try to cross me, or you’ll

Regret my decision.

Leave me now, and you’ll have

Minimal pain.

I’m counting the minutes as the

Hours go by.

Get as far away as possible, and

Do my mind no more harm.

That’s only part of the charm

That I have to represent.

10/25/99



The prince fell dead on the floor

Because someone has poisoned the wine.

What kind of a fiend would so such a thing—

A man desiring his wealth?

I know not why he would do it because

No one had reason to suspect him before.

Handsome and young, his looks attracted

Many women.

Now his poor body lies lifeless on the floor.

It’s cold an unmoving, I cannot describe

Much more.


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