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Bittersweet

Jen Selinsky

Copyright © 2017 by Jen Selinsky

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Cover Art Copyright © 2011 by Travis Potts

ISBN: 9781370923915



*Not every poem included in this book is dated in chronological order.  This is not an oversight on my part. Rather, I have made changes and substitutions over the years.

-J.L.S.



It's never too late to

Start something spectacular,

Even though people may

Not know the reason(s).

Did I have to tell you

Right away, what reaction

Were you going for?

Nothing could make me

Find a chain reaction of

Series because things were

Supposed to happen when

I least expected them.

We're not anywhere near

A perfect world, so do not

Place me in a box!

11/19/02



You can see right through

The tiny strands that stand

Almost straight on my head.

Echo in and echo out

Mimicking tiny actions with

Small hand and tight fist.

11/21/02



Why did you call me

If you are not interested?

I have plenty of things to do

With my time that do not

Involve any scheme or rhyme.

Why don't you do me a favor

And leave before this snowballs

Into some kind of insanity?

3/14/02



 Who delivers time

A standing ovation when

All it does is take away our beauty?

Now my hair is thinning,

And it's much harder to

Lose weight.

What more can I add to

The debate, except

That all our numbers are

Coming up, and we all

Have to face it,

One way or another.

4/27/04



How can these people expect me

To carry dignity all throughout

My life; how can they expect me

To maintain something that I lost

A long time ago?

It's all well and good to pretend

To have an ounce of caring left within,

But it's almost at the point of no return.

Throughout the years, I have enjoyed

The art of many, but I only enjoy

The things that give me an excuse to

Hide my face in the shadows

Of the public.

Damn those who shun me

And also those who support me,

But I take back that last statement

Because they know not what they do

We are, after all, only human.

11/21/02



I Do

Never underestimate

The power of these words,

Especially when they are

Not yours.

The most interesting point

Is seen from the outside.

You are not the one under oath,

Therefore, the pressure is not

On you for this day; there may

Still be time to get away,

Unless you want to form

The longest sentence out

Of the shortest words!

4/27/04



Far removed are the days

When I thought I'd had

It together.

When my youth did

Make me happy, and a grand,

Old vision surrounds us.

Those were the days, those could have

Been the days when I made a difference.

This body burning means doom,

Unless I happen to be Joan of Arc.

4/27/04



My health inside me

Fading, no longer a

Question of evading

The terrible, inevitable

Truth, that we are not going

To be here much longer.

4/27/04



Do you remember me;

Do you have any sympathy

For me?

I suppose not, maybe I do

Get all that I deserve for

What I have done in this world,

Even right now, as I make

Myself sick.

I know that this feeling

Will never go away.

It's my own fault.


4/28/04



Here we go again.

You and I finally had

Some time alone together.

Even though we just have

A little more time apart,

It still feels like it will

Be an eternity.

I know that I should

Enjoy being here, but the

Anxious part of me has

Already taken over.

Seeing you leave makes

Me sad, but I know we

Have all eternity to

Spend together!

4/30/04



I had a feeling that you

Would try to contact me,

Even though I want to

Stay away for obvious reasons.

You and I get along together,

But I don't think that much can

Happen due to our great

Differences.

I'll give you some time

To think it over.

4/30/04



Could this be a modern

Description of me, even

Though I tried to change

My ways?

We don't know where

This came from, seeking

All of a sudden something

That may not be me

How ironic.

5/6/04



We're going to try this again.

One way or another,

You will succumb to my

Needs and make me feel

As if I am the most

Privileged person alive.

I know that I deserve it,

After all my great efforts.

5/6/04



I listen to the music, and

I wonder about its original source

Because it sounds like it

Could have been done before—

So has everything else in the world!

I am safe to say that originality

Is no longer my strong suit, living in

This world for so many years

Where did it all go?

Out with the blinking of an eye.

5/6/04



Now I feel this is the most

Beautiful, relating to such

A royal color.

I do not know where to

Go from here, but I can

Always enjoy myself from where

I am right now.

5/6/04



Could it be, something that

Would not relate well to me?

I am not used to this kind

Of thing because everything

Comes back to me in some form.

You can try to tell me that

I do not relate to anything

Of which you speak, but

I won't listen to you!

5/6/04



This reminds me of him—

The man on which I used to

Waste a lot of my effort.

But, he's gone now, after

A session of what do you

Call it, bragging.

5/6/04



Time stands still, as the

Goddess comes out from

Behind the curtain; the

Whole world awaits a new

Look, which they want

To try and reproduce—

Market it some way that

Would keep the public interest,

Money given up with happiness.

These people are willing to

Go the extra mile to prove

That yet another thing

Doesn't work.

5/6/04



Ah!

Now you have me seeing red

Because I have set my

Sights on you.

Target locked in the

Corner of my eye

Any other way would look

Too conspicuous, as you might

Just figure out my plan.

5/6/04



Do you believe in fate?

Yes!

Sometimes, I don't know

How and when these things

Can be possible, but everything

Will be arranged in some

Pleasing way.

Have no fear!


5/6/04



I've hardly made a dent

In what seems like an

Ongoing process that is

Going to take years,

If even not longer!

I don't know what to say,

Except that this is going

To take a while

5/6/04



I ran into you

On the most dangerous

Street, does this mean

That things are meant

To be?

Despite any flaws that

May arise, no sound

Comes out of my mouth

Because I do not want

To blow my chance

With you.

This could be the thing

That changes my life!

5/6/04



You can tear her apart

All that you like because it

Would do the world a

Great favor.

We all know that people

Like this want to give us

A run for our money;

She's gone!

5/6/04



This color may be

A different shade when I

See you often come up.

I don't know what made me

Think that, even though

You are constantly

On my mind—

To a certain someone

Who has entered my life.

5/7/04



New decisions,

You won't have to face

Them alone.

My heart will be with yours,

And we will be near each other

In spirit.

Such a strong friendship

Will give us the power

To overcome any obstacles

That come our way, so

We have to look forward

To the bright future ahead.

5/7/04



Words cannot express how

Much I love you.

Words, alone, cannot

Represent my gratitude

For all that you have done.

I owe my life and

Everything good that has

Come from it because

You mean the world to me!

Words cannot express what

Can only be portrayed

By the heart!


5/9/04



One thought for this

Special day mimics the

Words I would like to say.

These words I hold so dear

With the passing of

Every year.

Now, we want you to know

That you are loved on

The earth and up above.

5/10/04



My beauties!

My little windows

To the world.

What ill has

Befallen you,

For I can feel that things

Are not the same.

So uncomfortable,

I must keep you shut,

But that would ruin

The rest of my years!

Perception, ah, it will

Never be

The same, and

I would have

To live with

All these horrible

Restrictions.

Can nothing make me

Feel better if this were the

Case to be true?

I am slightly handicapped

As it is, and these years

Have already seen such

Complaints.

Please give me no more

Restraints!

5/17/04



Ever so loosely, the garment fits,

And I can feel that I am losing

More than my youth,

Slimmer with the aged.

Oh, Time, how it confuses me,

While it robs us of our beauty,

It's what that gave us that

In the first place—from tadpoles to

Toads.

And, while we are here, we are

To spend the remainder of our time

Preparing ourselves for the afterlife.

Our opaque machines

Will become translucent souls,

And we will no longer

Have to eat, sleep, breathe, or feel

The earthly blood which once ran

Through our veins.

5/17/04



What has become of me

And my beautiful speech?

Long-winded,

No longer poetic.

Give me back my mind!

Let me have

The originality

That has allowed me

To dream up

Such creations—

Powerful

Images engaging

The reader and enticing

Them to plunge in further.

They will know that

It took a

Creative mind

To dream all this up.

Oh, to be taken away

From the monstrosity

Of mediocrity and into

The delightful core

Cerebrum.

Swimming in a stream

Of inspiration and

Letting my products

Go out into the world.

5/26/04



Watch me fall into the

Stream of consciousness

So that the ideas may

Seep into my skin

And move up into my brain,

Filling my head with

Only the best of knowledge

So that I can feel free to interpret

It any way I like.

Giving it new meaning—

New life that would fit so well,

With mine relating to my

Current emotions.

I am one with

Everything that seeps

Into my skin, mixing

With the blood in my veins.

People would be blind

Not to notice the euphoria

That I am feeling right now.

7/13/04



Look at all of them,

Standing there as if

Anyone else's pride does

Not mean a thing.

They aim to take us

Over in the most

Demeaning way possible,

But we are not going to allow

That to happen.

Locked up in their petty hate,

There they stand, but they

Won't be standing there for long…

7/21/04



Read the leisurely literature.

Read to smooth the passing time,

Anything to get your mind up

And running and

Off the rapid decline

As we stand in the

Greatly widening abyss.

Go on, free yourselves

While you still can

Because, right now,

Time is of the essence!

7/21/04



Get here, come over in

Any fashion you want.

I know the reason for

Your hesitation, but the

Rest of the world

Doesn't care.

I want you to be in my

Direct line of fire once

I start placing all the blame.

(Don't tell me) no more lies,

You knew that this was coming.

7/21/04



My sweaty palm is placed

Against my forehead.

I think I feel the signs

Of a fever.

This is not the first time

That I have clamed such

An atrocity, for my mind

Has led me to worry

So many times before.

Oh, night fever; I now

Get to wallow in my sad

And delirious state.

Such a shame that things

Have to be this way because

I am blinded by my own

Selfish hypochondria.

What else do I have to fear

In this world, now that the fever

Has broken out?

Phlegm, sweat, and rising blood;

Am I going to be one of those tragic

Literary figures who has nothing

To do but pine once her life

Is officially over?

Any beast in the forest would

Retreat in fear because they cannot

Pick up any friendly scent.

The last time that I have spent

My days like this were actually

Not that long ago.

Can't you hear my cries of pain?

It cannot be over all before my time,

For I have lived but a quarter of

A century.

7/21/04



I beckon you!

Calling all the geniuses

Who, from the beginning

Of their time—the world's time

Have gained no recognition

For their works.

Oh, fear me not, for I am

Your brethren.

I wish that I could help

By creating a resurrection,

But I wouldn't begin to know

Where to look; this thing

Called "soul searching" is

A longer process than I thought,

Especially since I don't

Even know myself.

But, the ones who I want

To help the most, greatly

Frustrated and bitter creatures,

Travel in swarms in the afterlife, forming

A kind of revolution that is meant

To scare those who are living right out

Of their skin!

Ghastly images, they are turning.

No, I wish to deal with this no more,

Even though I feel their pain.

This weighty task can be carried out

By none other than God Himself.

7/21/04



Children,

Looking this way into the night.

Divorce yourself from your

Final surroundings

Because you are in for a bumpy ride!

Bang! Hear all the components

Collide in what we like to call

A menagerie of things that can

And will go wrong.

7/21/04



Love, pain, the frustrated

Stepping stones of a democracy

Painfully executed.

What are our ideals; do they

Come in like a knife, cutting

Inside the flesh of reason?

This world can no longer

Be held up on the shoulders

Of mediocrity.

No one believes much of that

Anymore because we have made it

So that the irritation will only increase

With man's complacent attitude.

That used to be me, but I am

Trying to change for the better.

We all should take a chapter

From this book and stick it

Inside our heads so that we can

Rearrange this sad, sad situation.

7/21/04



No, oh no!

I am not in for this

Right now, but I suppose

I have to make the best

Of the situation since

Nothing is coming to

Rescue me.

No one even knows that

My mind's thoughts are here,

But my body remains in

The solitude of my room,

Just how I like it,

Most of the time.

7/21/04



I like to hide under the covers

On my bed from the prying eyes

On my wall—

Her majesty in her paranoia.

We did not have to tell you

What was coming in this way

And that because the world outside

Would only laugh

At my fears, which

Run rampant through my mind.

This village is in need of an idiot,

So that they can

Compare them to me.

If I am not already appointed

By the sheer sarcasm

Of the situation,

Other people got

A chance to look

At my charming wit.

What they really thought, I do not

Know, because I am still hiding,

Hot and sticky underneath my four

Layers of protection.

But I do not want to come out just yet

Because the pandemonium is beginning

To ensue.

Help me!

7/21/04



So sedate, I picked you out

Of a screaming crowd

Because you were not the

One who was hollering

Out of control—just my type.

How cute you looked when

You were under control,

How can I take you back

To be mine?


7/21/04



You are the cheapest piece

Of literature I own, yet I

Love you all the same.

All things considered, as you

Are mine to cherish for a lifetime.

Looking back and looking forth,

You are my jolly disguise.

Heads are going to roll if anyone

Ever cuts you down.

7/21/04



I'm checking up and

Checking in on all the

Things you do, but have

No fear because things are

Not always as they seem…

7/21/04



You had so much potential,

But hardly anyone gave you

The time or a chance to

Live up to anything that would

Amount to making you immortal.

Back then, I didn't know,

But I was not embarrassed

To define my taste.

I'm sure that others will

Eventually be able to identify.

7/21/04



I can still hear them laughing,

But that does not matter.

They are gone and I remain here

To improve myself—

Stick it to them while they

Are not looking.

7/21/04



All these old feelings,

But with new faces.

It's almost embarrassing

To let myself remember

All the things that happened

After such an eventful evening.

Now, who would like to volunteer

To do this to me, even though

I have such an interesting overview?


7/21/04



Red, is it still the color

Of love, or is it only a

Result of the blood bled

By those who have died

Because of hate?

I prefer to think that it's

The first of the two.

I suppose that romance is

Not all that bad, even if

It's spelled with a small “r.”

Do you happen to agree,

Since this thing called love

Hs entered my life?

Sentimentality.


7/21/04



Hold me

For the remainder

Of this small moment,

For who knows just

How long it’s going

To last?

7/21/04



Comedic sexual desire,

I suppose that kind of

Thing is quite common today,

Especially judging from my

Memories and other things

That I've seen.

It is to laugh, while enjoying

The sensation running through

My veins.

7/21/04



 Back to the insanity,

The noise in my head

Leads me up to

Sweet nostalgia.

All the arguments we had

Would prevent us from

Getting along in the future.

We lost each other, not

Remembering all the good

Times we had until recently.

Sometimes, I wonder if you

Ever do the same.

7/21/04



In all your brevity,

You seem to want to

Portray a small message,

Even though no one seems

To get it, but that does not mean

You should give up right away.

7/21/04



You had me eating out

Of the palm of your hand

Since you said that you

Wanted to devote all

Your time to me.

But, now, your words are

Teasing me so much and

Bringing me to the point

Of excitement.

Your propositions are

Far too exciting for me

Right now.

7/21/04



Oh, such a beautiful melody

Has kept me in such a great

Enchantment ever since I heard it.

No matter in what language the

Package is presented, the concept

Is the same all over.

We are lucky enough to witness

Such a phenomenon through

The use of universality.

Some people may not care to know

What it means, but we are so much

Higher than their level.

Our perception has set us aside

From the others who are so shallow

As to run away.

7/22/04



How did I knew where

To place my bets after

All this time?

I thought that I was

Dried up and out of use

For anything that would

Involve something like

A romance, in any respect

That would require the

General meaning.

I suppose that we are so

Lucky to have found each other

When we did because our lives

Could have turned out


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