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“Imperfect Beautiful Love”


From One Darling to Another


By


Nicolenya Caltman































TABLE OF CONTENTS



Dedication ......................................................................................................10

Introduction ....................................................................................................11

Imperfect Beautiful.........................................................................................12

Force of Nature ..............................................................................................13

Love Is an “Expressive Language” ................................................................15

Charismata ......................................................................................................16

Crazy Sexy Love .............................................................................................17

Against all Reason ...........................................................................................18

Beast to Beauty ................................................................................................19

Conversation Hearts .........................................................................................20

Do You Feel My Love? ....................................................................................21

Halfway .............................................................................................................22

Hearts Eye .........................................................................................................23

Home .................................................................................................................24

Hot Like Lave ....................................................................................................26

I Wonder ............................................................................................................27

Sea Glass ............................................................................................................28

Imprisoned to Impassioned ................................................................................29

Inspiration ..........................................................................................................30

Lavishly Yours ...................................................................................................31

Like Water .........................................................................................................32

Love Is Something to Be Built On.....................................................................33

Love Me or Love Me Not ..................................................................................34

My Favorite Things ...........................................................................................35

Natural ...............................................................................................................36

Possibilities ........................................................................................................37

Random Acts of Kindness .................................................................................38

Respite ...............................................................................................................39

The Butterfly Effect ...........................................................................................40

The Color of Love ..............................................................................................41

The Tears They Fall ...........................................................................................42

You’ve Freed Me ...............................................................................................43

Passion Fire ........................................................................................................44

Trumped .............................................................................................................45

The Vintage Heart ..............................................................................................46

Upheaval of The Heart .......................................................................................47

Daisy and Sunflower ..........................................................................................48

Overwhelm .........................................................................................................50

I Am Yours ........................................................................................................51

My Pearl .............................................................................................................52

My Elemental .....................................................................................................53

Groovy ...............................................................................................................54

Safe Haven .........................................................................................................55

Breathe ...............................................................................................................57

Fading Wallflower .............................................................................................58

Just Because .......................................................................................................59

My Rock ............................................................................................................60

Big Fish ..............................................................................................................63

You Are My Oz .................................................................................................64

Under the Sugar Tree ........................................................................................65

All Infinity .........................................................................................................67

Zenith ................................................................................................................68

Touch Stone ......................................................................................................69

Adoring You .....................................................................................................71

On This Birthday ..............................................................................................72

The Beginning ..................................................................................................73

I Miss ................................................................................................................74

Rescued .............................................................................................................75

All of Me ...........................................................................................................76

Beyond the Crickets ..........................................................................................77

Quero Que Você ................................................................................................78

Cherish ...............................................................................................................79

Beside You .........................................................................................................80

He My Tree ........................................................................................................81

My Little Darling ...............................................................................................82

I Embrace You ...................................................................................................83

Incredible ...........................................................................................................83

Infinity ...............................................................................................................84

The Form of Woman ..........................................................................................85

Impossible Dream ..............................................................................................86

The Void ............................................................................................................87

My Amazing ......................................................................................................88

The Forest ..........................................................................................................90

Complete ............................................................................................................91

But Beautiful ......................................................................................................92

The Sunflower Soul ...........................................................................................93

Love You Bold ..................................................................................................94

Your Daisy .........................................................................................................95

Yearning .............................................................................................................96

I Am Woman .....................................................................................................97

Awestruck ..........................................................................................................99

The Best Love ..................................................................................................100

You Raise Me Up.............................................................................................101

I Do ..................................................................................................................102

The Inquisition .................................................................................................103

Esgotado ..........................................................................................................104

I Am Woman ...................................................................................................105

My Design .......................................................................................................106

I Miss You .......................................................................................................107

Sweetest Art .....................................................................................................108

Free Me ............................................................................................................109

The Seat of My Soul ........................................................................................110

The Casbah ......................................................................................................111

Madness ...........................................................................................................112

Making Love ....................................................................................................113

Your Shade ......................................................................................................114

How I Love Thee .............................................................................................115

Agape ...............................................................................................................116

Love .................................................................................................................118

Lost in Translation ...........................................................................................119

You ..................................................................................................................120

I Value You .....................................................................................................121

Dimensions ......................................................................................................122

Ethereal ............................................................................................................123

Rarity ...............................................................................................................124

Amore ..............................................................................................................126

I Was Made to Love You .................................................................................128

Daisies ..............................................................................................................129

Delightful .........................................................................................................131

I Wish ...............................................................................................................132

The Secret Garden ...........................................................................................133

Forevermore ....................................................................................................134

Blossoms of Beauty………………………………………………………….135

Strong Enough ................................................................................................137

My Totem .......................................................................................................139

Wilted Wallflower ..........................................................................................140

V-Day .............................................................................................................141

You Can Count on Me ...................................................................................142

I Dance for You……………………………………………………………...143

I Wish I May ...................................................................................................144

Sacrifice ..........................................................................................................145

The Best Days .................................................................................................147

Surpresa ...........................................................................................................148

Heaven .............................................................................................................149

Portuguese Soul ...............................................................................................151

The Gap ...........................................................................................................152

Spring Tide ......................................................................................................152

The Lymie .......................................................................................................153

Splendicity ......................................................................................................154

The Bridge to You ...........................................................................................155

Indomitable Greens ..........................................................................................157

Your Leaves .....................................................................................................158

My Value .........................................................................................................159

Proud………………………………………………………………………….160

Elixir ................................................................................................................161

Changing of Seasons ........................................................................................162

Dance with Me .................................................................................................163

In Earnest .........................................................................................................164

The Best ...........................................................................................................165

My Imperfect ...................................................................................................166

Pocket Stone ....................................................................................................167

Solace ..............................................................................................................168

I Do .................................................................................................................168

Tidbits .............................................................................................................169

Eye on Me .......................................................................................................170

You Amaze Me ...............................................................................................170

Good Man .......................................................................................................171

Love is Love.....................................................................................................171

The Butterfly ...................................................................................................172

The Dream .......................................................................................................173

You Own Me ...................................................................................................174

The Good Man .................................................................................................175

Beautiful Soul ..................................................................................................176

My Hemisphere ................................................................................................177

So Much Love ..................................................................................................178

I Am Woman ...................................................................................................179

The Singing Soul .............................................................................................180

Mona Lisa ........................................................................................................181

Corn .................................................................................................................183

My Light ..........................................................................................................183

Everything ........................................................................................................184

Spectacular You ...............................................................................................185

Green Soldiers ..................................................................................................186

Oxygen .............................................................................................................187

Again ................................................................................................................187

Words ...............................................................................................................188

The Field of Green ...........................................................................................189

Beauty Profound ..............................................................................................190

Just Me .............................................................................................................191

Day by Day ......................................................................................................191

Man On the Moon ............................................................................................192

Wanton Soul ....................................................................................................192

Just You ...........................................................................................................194

Beauty and Light..............................................................................................194

Sea of Green ....................................................................................................195

I’m Free ...........................................................................................................196

Bring You Home..............................................................................................196

Cavern of My Soul ..........................................................................................197

Stretched ..........................................................................................................197

My Rock ..........................................................................................................198

Sacredness .......................................................................................................198

My Yang ..........................................................................................................199

Man On The Moon “2” ....................................................................................199

Authentic Self ..................................................................................................200

Why’s ...............................................................................................................200

Sublime ............................................................................................................201

The Abyss ........................................................................................................202

I’ll Dance You .................................................................................................203

Marrow ............................................................................................................204

Cacophany........................................................................................................205

I Desire You Always .......................................................................................206

Beyond the Surface .........................................................................................207

The Purpose ....................................................................................................207

Come Home ....................................................................................................208

Heaven ............................................................................................................209

Painted Beauty ................................................................................................210

Conquered .......................................................................................................211

Unearthed ........................................................................................................212

Pure of Heart ...................................................................................................213

Some-Kind-Of-Beautiful ................................................................................214

Daisy Darling ..................................................................................................215

The Best ..........................................................................................................216

Thread by Thread ............................................................................................217

Gluttony ..........................................................................................................218

Paper Flowers .................................................................................................219

Just Bring Yourself .........................................................................................220

Purple Ocean ...................................................................................................221

The Day I Met You .........................................................................................221

Sonnets ............................................................................................................222

Damned ...........................................................................................................223

The Haunting ..................................................................................................224

Trojan ..............................................................................................................225

My Apollo .......................................................................................................225

Mardi Gras.......................................................................................................226

My Magic ........................................................................................................226

I Win ................................................................................................................227

Even in The Gap ..............................................................................................227

I Carry You.......................................................................................................228

Immortal ..........................................................................................................228

The Current .....................................................................................................229

I Carry You in My Heart ................................................................................230

The Sapling ......................................................................................................231

My Sunflower ..................................................................................................232

Because of You ................................................................................................233

All My Faith in You ........................................................................................234

My Church .......................................................................................................234

Speaking Your Truth .......................................................................................235

Heart Worm .....................................................................................................236

Drunkenness ....................................................................................................237

Sacred Space ....................................................................................................237

Your Beautiful Mystery....................................................................................238

Fractured Fairy Tale .........................................................................................239

The Prize ..........................................................................................................240

The Promise .....................................................................................................241

Seasons ............................................................................................................243

Push Up Daisies ...............................................................................................245

Sweet Perfection ..............................................................................................245

Do You Know? ................................................................................................247

The Kingdomed Heart .....................................................................................248

Come on Home ................................................................................................249

Ambrosia ..........................................................................................................250

Beauty Bold .....................................................................................................252

My Nature ........................................................................................................253

Re-Incarnate .....................................................................................................254

The Redemption ...............................................................................................255

Hallelujah .........................................................................................................256

Changing of Seasons ........................................................................................257

Heart Song .......................................................................................................258

Divinity ............................................................................................................259

Home Sweet Home...........................................................................................260

I Do ..................................................................................................................261

Merry-Go-Round .............................................................................................262

Wellspring ........................................................................................................263

The Precious Beautiful .....................................................................................264

The Special Likes of You.................................................................................265

Sunflower Moon ..............................................................................................266

Keep Your Eye on Me .....................................................................................267

You Amaze Me ................................................................................................268

Why? ...............................................................................................................270

Clown House Merry-Go-Round ......................................................................271

The Day You Breathed Your Soul into Me......................................................272

Manna ..............................................................................................................275

Savory ..............................................................................................................275

Reckoning ........................................................................................................276

Explosion of My Soul ......................................................................................277

I Appreciate You...............................................................................................278

Lovers Waltz ....................................................................................................279

Twice Loved ....................................................................................................280

Delicious ..........................................................................................................281

Raw ..................................................................................................................282

Genius Scattered ..............................................................................................283

Just Dance ........................................................................................................284

Finale ...............................................................................................................285





















Dedication



For my darling, no amount of poetry or art will be able to express all the love and adoration I have in myself; for you. Thank you for helping me find another voice for myself.


For your daughter, thank you for sharing your fathers amazing, beautiful, heart with me.


To my children Micaiah, Jacqueline, Mason, Julianne, Ivan; my grandchildren, Lilly, Elsie, Zahneiah, Leila, Tobyas. To Rosie for being like a mother to me. To my mom, I love you deeply in my soul.; though you knew not how to love me. You all have shaped me and taught me how to love unconditionally; though I knew not how to. We have all learned from one another, and you all have been my greatest teachers. You’ve accepted my imperfectness and loved me anyway, unconditionally; like love is supposed to be.


You all paved the road for my heart so I could love this adorable, amazing, beautiful man.


For Linda E. and Sonya for supporting me with this book, and my dear friend Linda M., rest in peace darling 9/5/2017.


Thank you.


And “M”











Introduction



Love isn’t perfect. Love is quite imperfect; wild, raw, filled with ups and downs. There is so much beauty though, in the imperfectness. Love, is certainly not for the faint of heart. It takes a very courageous heart to love and love with complete abandon; with a childlike innocence, unconditionally, with no promise of return. It is scary enough for one who knows how to love and receive it. However, for the heart that has been scorned, burned, and trampled on...it can almost be debilitating when shot with the torrid arrow.


This book of poetry, there was a lot of art too LOL…that is for my beautiful man; is also for everybody. Some of the poetry and art isn’t perfect in method, but always is perfect in the imperfectness of it because it is all raw, unadulterated, love.


Those of you afraid to love; LOVE! Do it! Let yourself go, free your heart, liberate your soul, and with complete abandon; LOVE! It is complete deliciousness, raw-ecstasy, and heaven on earth. Love without condition...in its purest form, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others.


Love is the most powerful energy in the universe. It grows you even when it seemingly fails. It has the power to lift up in times of woe, heal the sick, and turn anger to light. It is the only energy that burns constantly and never dies out.


My dearest darling, I love you with a fever that won’t go away. It just grows and burns hotter. You have caused my soul to combust. You have both imprisoned me and freed me. I am yours forever my dearest, darling. Eu te adoro.









Imperfect Beautiful Love



You have turned me upside down; like a timbered tree...

You’ve left me lying on the ground; sweet pure ecstasy...

Through many seasons passed; my love’s grown leaps and bounds...

It is the sweetest, deepest, death; my souls completely drowned...

So, as I hold my breath; sinking deeper in your sea...

My darling, please don’t pluck me up; for in drowning in you, I am free.





























Force of Nature



Who knows how long the locusts have been eating away at me?

turned me from a mighty, little tree, to a weak stem; a sucker...

To have so much of myself stripped away; so, painful...

Yet; I am expected to carry on, even though I am nothing but a weed, a burden…

Diseased...

My grandest tree, with the greatest roots, and sunflower heart...

My greatest, sweetest dream; seems lost somewhere in the forest...

All it would have taken was the slightest of care; at a most delicate time...

from anyone; to help me grow into a beautiful redwood...

Right when my roots were finally taking hold; when I was a new sapling...

A trunk all my own...

A treat of nature; full of pleasantness, sweet scent and musky aroma...

Just getting her first rings...

Beautiful buds...

The "Greens" disguised as a beautiful meadow; in the forest of your heart...

Latched themselves onto me...

Diseased me...

The soil all around me turned into a vast ocean; no nourishment; only when convenient from the seasons...

Your heart; the most beautiful forest...

Floated further and further away; from the elements...

Distanced, seemingly by continents; yet were right next to me...

I kept sending out the signals from my very best buds...

Again, a sucker, to weak stem, to diseased seed...

To the larvae of the locusts; eating away at me...

Yet, inside me the pith; it lives...

It remembers when we met and I began to grow backwards...

I saw you and grew buds...

I grew branches and roots...

My outer bark became dead to what was before...

My inner bark; it lived for you...

My cambium; it grew for you...

My ray; it felt for you...

My sapwood; it lovingly fed you when I myself was dry...

In my feeding you; extractives were formed...

My heartwood; it became strong and rich!

but my pith; even when you weren't looking...

Kept its original eye on you...

and is still sprouting...

My heartwood is still intact...

The extractives are still formed...

I am still feeding you; in feeding you it feeds me...

I still feel for you...

I still dare to grow for you...

I still live for you...

Which protects the heartwood; rich and strong...

My branches are still there reaching for you...

My buds and blossoms; still send their signal to you...

I remember when we began to grow...

and the seed was planted...

Suddenly; I am no longer diseased...

Again, without even knowing...

A force of nature...

You planted me; and I am again...

Alive; and...

I am strong; in you...

My beautiful force of nature.














Love is an “expressive language” ...

It must have an output, or the hearts soul; it will suffocate...


The soul unable to withhold love any longer explodes; into transitive’s…


It expresses through words, art, song; to something that at times; seems intransitive...


However, the heart never forgets what brings such a gift of beauty...

So, it continues to express its soul to that one subject; of beauty...


Where all rules of that expressive language are broken...

Poetic license takes charge and forces out the deepest, most secretive; unexpressed...


Where words are woven into song about moons on the earth; water in the sky...

About worlds colliding and going into themselves; a massive collapse of what was before...

About earth quakes; hearts turning inside out...


It turns the yearning into verb tense and once again, beauty is birthed and the writer, the lover; falls in love all over again.
















Charismata



I desire to love you with all parts of my person; for you have consumed me whole...


With my body; I desire to kiss your lips and get drunk off your passion…


With my mind; I desire to learn of your deepest of passions…


With my heart; I desire to love you with all of my passion, but with my soul...


With all my soul; my most fervent desire is to burrow into the innermost part of you…

The part that is the most decayed...


Embrace you, and allow all your pain to burn me...
Kiss you, and allow all your hurt to suffocate me...
Receive you, and allow all your suffering to drown me...

and deliver all of my love to you; there.


















Crazy Sexy Love



One fateful day you appeared; off comes the film from the eclipsed moon...

The heart it glows once again; with waves of unbridled love...

My “Kamadeva”, my everything; in body, spirit, and mind...

You made the serpent rise; and “Rati” was born in me...































Against All Reason



All rules have been broken…


There is no logic…


No reason to this love…


There is no time…


No space…


Sometimes I feel there is no me, just the love I have for you…


I’ll keep it, this love I have for you; it creates a reaction in me, that


transcends everything…


I see logic where one sees none…


The reasoning has become relative…


Time is now quantitative…


The empty space that was before, reels with life…












Beast to Beauty



My heart is filled with so much gratitude for the little time we've shared in person;

and the great deal of time we've shared on another plane...


You've awakened me to the many flavors of life and sensations to my soul, I never thought possible...


I have become a new being and coming to realize I am an extraordinary, accomplished woman; full of grace and beauty...


A woman worth keeping; all now in a special space within myself where once only an abandoned beast resided...


Never before had I felt worthy of being loved;

or worthy having my love received...


Thank you for being so instrumental in my coming home to myself.


















Conversation Hearts



Yearning to see the tiny sweets again…


Sometimes you relax into me and send me the sweets I so pine for


<3xoxo…


It warms me like the sun is hot.


Such a tiny act of kindness and love, but so powerful it transforms


me in that moment…


Words are barely spoken now…


Yet the tiny symbols are forever ingrained in my soul…


I will always treasure the tiny sweets, the conversation hearts.


















Do You Feel My Love?



Through the distance and the gaps of time...


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(Pages 1-35 show above.)