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THE BLUEPRINTS TO A

A Collection of Poems

Larry Foster











All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or
reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information
storage retrieval system without permission in writing by the
author Larry Foster and publisher Anthony Parnell. except in the
case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.



Copyright © 2017 Larry Foster

Printed in the United States of America

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOG # 2017964549


Contributing Writer: Kristina Mish
Cover Art by Erycka Cabrera
Cover design by Roel Sanchez



Published by Books by Anthony Parnell

DEDICATION

I dedicate this to the one that represents the past,

the future and the present. Whatever we leave behind and

whatever is yet to come, just know my words will heal.

PREFACE

Soul Literature

I'm not the one for words, at least not when it comes to writing lengthy essays or giving long speeches. Fortunately, over the last few years, poetry has become a tool, an outlet, and a voice for me to communicate what I think, what I feel and what I believe. This collection of poems, The Blueprints to a Black Heart, then, is a welcoming rendition to my past life experiences, my present mental and emotional state, and my future hopes and dreams.

The majority of my writing, since the beginning of my journey of discovering who I am as a poet, has been tailored to the genre of the “misunderstood.” My poetry, I like to believe, is the voice of an illiterate soul. At the same time, it is through my own voice that I began to see the raw emotion behind my pain. This fed a greater desire to feel the depths of my pain's affection. Regretfully, for several years, my misguided mindset has led to many mistakes which have greatly hindered me from sustaining healthy relationships and mental stability.

As you read this book, hearing my thoughts and feeling my emotions, think not of the pain or misconstrued events that gave birth to them. Rather, think of the new outlook on life that gives them meaning. Move forward in reading this collection of poems with the understanding that perception does not have a one size fits all approach. In other words, remember that this written material was not

created for just one concept to be perceived. It was written for the reader to grasp their own feelings while interpreting the context of my words.

Just as there are numerous ways to build a house, there are numerous ways to a black heart. I, therefore, encourage and challenge you to keep this mindset as you read through this book and as you progress in life through your own process of rehabilitation.


CONTENTS



FALSE HARVEST

THE DEVIL OF MY DEVIL

A SIREN'S APPEAL

GRAVITY

I GREW OLD

INDIFFERENT

MEMORIES OF US: A GIFT AND A CURSE

CLOSE ENOUGH

TUG OF WAR

FACE TO FACE

DOMESTICATED

RA

DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES

SOLD AS IS

PAPER PLANE

TRILOGY

OUR OVERTURE

AMPHIBIOUS REFLECTION

CHECK MATE

ARCHITECT OF MY DESIGN

ASYLUM SEEKER

FINDING NEVER

PLAY ON REPEAT

CARETAKER

TREASON FROM WITHIN

STARE

LOOP

CLOSER

SHORT-TERM MEMORY

A LIFETIME GLANCE

AN EMOTIONLESS RANT

THIS VERY MOMENT

STUCK IN AN ENDLESS RHYME

DESIRE

GROWING PAINS

TREE OF LIFE

CIVIL WAR

EVERY TIME

EVERMORE

ENDLESS CIRCLE

POWERLESS

TIME ZONES

CONTEMPLATION

HANGERS

THE BLUEPRINT

TIME TRAVELERS

CRAVE

MOTHER LIBERTY

BOUND TO

ETHANOL DIGEST

CONFESSIONS OF A LIAR

ABOUT THE AUTHOR



FALSE HARVEST

The prophets word spread, a soul blind to its own truth

An existence justified by the natural instinct to migrate

Curious to see the world from an extraterrestrial point of view

Why conform for society?

How will I be able to seek out my own destiny

when I am shrouded by complacency?

If I put on a mask

I would have lived a lie

If I put on a mask

They will think I'm content

I'm tired of the questions

I'm tired of living by their expectations

If I put on that mask will everyone love me,

not realizing they drain me?

Everyone who has ever loved me has taken away from me

So, why should I have to conform to make others happy?

Why does my smile have such an effect on others’ lives?

Why am I not allowed to have burdens of my own?

Am I only to carry the burdens of others - only to be left by them?

Only to be left with heavy shoulders?

The prophet said I would be blind to my own truth.

On second thought, I might just wear that mask

Maybe I should exceed their expectations

by becoming the blind truth that they see



Maybe I'm blind

Maybe I've deceived myself

Ignorant towards my own beliefs

Maybe I won't wear the mask Maybe I'll become the mask

THE DEVIL OF MY DEVIL

The Devil of My Devil

As thine lays me down to sleep

pray your soul to keep,

because if you die before I wake

your soul will surely be his to take.



Bear witness to a past tragedy

represented by a generation intolerable of mankind

due to incompetence and a lack of sympathy



Bear witness to this world’s demise

The devil of the devil

was thine imaginary friend.

She smiled at him

as he grinned.



I’ve seen his hell

as he held me.

While I waited for morning to begin,

I saw his figure at my beds end



The devil of the devil was thine lust.

He covered her soul, she was my veil.

The devil of the devil was thine love.

A gift and a curse

from the hell above.



I was a wandering black hole

The day will come when I implode

That's when I will take in

the Omega and the Alpha.



How many depressions will I wake?

For every drip drop of knowledge

from horrid personal experiences.

Whose poor soul will be able to relate?



The devil of the devil, was thine home.

A dark place where there is no exit,

but from the entrance in which you came.



These loops of nightmares

repeated the torture of fate.

Victim to poetry, I shall not wake.

Dreams come true while reality manipulates



The devil of the devil

was thine reflection.

Are you so blind to him in the mirror?

Or are you blinded by the lack of affection?



The devil of the devil

was thine faith.

Lost in a garden he found his Eve,

the place where he birthed a religion,

for she knew his fruit was forbidden.



I was my own God

stranger only to myself.

Fighting with my own shadow

as I committed treason with each suicide



They will have a gala in my honor

when I damn all lost souls to eternity.

They are going to crown me Queen

and he, ‘til death do us part, my King



The devil of the devil was thine thorn.

A dripping black heart with

roses dipped in blood.



The devil of the devil was thine guide.

As we walked through

the valley of the shadow of death,

I feared no evil.

For the devil of my devil, is thine.



Forgive me father for my sins.

Pray my soul to keep.

For when I wake,

my soul is surely his to take.

A SIREN'S APPEAL

I see no history past the present.

I hear no indulgences of care.

I feel no comfort in another's touch.

I taste only when bitten by lust.

I smell only death in a breath of fresh air.



I sensed her presence.

I answered the darkness.

She fulfilled my void.

She spoke truth to my reality.

Out of darkness was far from near.



I took heed from the darkness.

She said to drink when I became of thirst.

She said to eat when hunger arose.

She said to sleep when I grew weary.

She said to abandon all other desires.



Together we would see past the present history.

We would hear the screams of insanity.

We would feel nothing in pain's final form.

We would taste the deception of love.

We would smell the riches spoil.



I embraced the darkness.

She sheltered the misunderstood

as a sickened mind should and

as a tormented soul would.

In darkness's image,

I became whole.

GRAVITY

I had a dream

I was floating through space.

I was surrounded by wonders

that can never be described.

There was no sound.

My subconscious had nothing to say.



I felt nothing,

but everything.

I would see myself at times

like a camera switching angles.

I looked so small in space,

but I felt so grand.



Then I began to fall

and my dream

now became a nightmare.

I could hear screams inside my head.

My body became numb.

All I could do was witness as fate took its course.



I saw myself speeding rapidly towards a planet

as if something was calling me home.

As my body entered the atmosphere

I began to contemplate.

Where was I headed?



I was content beyond imagination

Why was I needed here?

What I saw on the surface

was a wonder that could never be described.



Like a star gazing upon the sky

as your gravity pulled me to its core.

Your smile became clear

as I drew near.

Our bond forevermore.

I GREW OLD

I used to imagine us

well you and I that is.

Lost somewhere happy on this earth.

Lost in each other’s will to carry on.



My visions where so vivid of us.

The things we would do,

the places we would go,

the love that we would create to last a lifetime and another.

It was all so clear



But,



A visitation of home altered my imagination.

I saw you and I saw her and then him

Same eyes looking at me seeing everything while I saw nothing.

I felt nothing

And wanted nothing,

but to have never existed in their lives



Now the reality that I see is me indulged in my

own will power to carry on.

Focused on the things I was meant to do,

the places I was meant to go,

And the love…

the love that I was meant to live without.



Now I find myself —

Everything in my past irrelevant

Every thought relevant to my future —

Reaching mental heights once suppressed by the thought of love.

My emotions,

well the lack thereof.



We were never meant to be

only dreams for a dreamer.

I'll never know who you and I were

that is the unrelenting question

INDIFFERENT

You made me smile when I knew I shouldn't.

You gave me warmth when I knew I couldn't.

You took me when I didn't want to be taken.



You could say you chose me.

You should see your eyes when you're with me.

So full of passion and regret.

You always were scared, but unmoved.



Our first kiss, I caught you by surprise.

The second one you took me by surprise.

A feeling that could never be understood by the world.

We started something, not knowing that it would end.



I was scared, I made up excuses

I denied you, but you knew…

You knew you had me.

That I would be yours forever.



You broke me,

took me apart,

and put me back together.

You planned this from the start.



I believed your intentions.

You said it was just us.

That no one could ever understand

and that your love was my destiny.



I fell for you.

I gave everything up for you.

I needed you.

I still need you.



But you're gone.

In your house,

you left me standing there all alone and

you left me without a place to go.

You left me with words,

but no ears to listen.


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