Excerpt for Behind the Closet Door by
& , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Behind

The

Closet Door



Anthology of poems by HM69



Copyright reserved by HM & Hunter

Published by Hunter n Prey

Smashword Edition



Please note, this is a GAY fiction book.

Please beware of any legal requirements in your region / country before buying and reading this book.

Please do not read this if you are emotionally, culturally, socially or legally unable to handle homoerotic content.



PS – If anyone has the copy-right for the picture used on the cover, please let us know. We will be happy to credit you for the wonderful picture.



Forward by the Authors

How does it feel to be separated by 6000 miles?

How does it feel to know that you may NEVER meet your love?

Pain, prayer, fear, frustration, hope, desire, little victories and moments of joy are all reflected in this anthology of our poems.

There is much we could, would, should say. But even in this anthology of poems, for sake of our friends and family, we stay silent. When that silence becomes unbearable, like a hernia, it ‘pop-out’ as a poem. Its usually short, terse, quick and to the point.

Those of us who live behind the closet door can’t afford long serenades. We can’t even afford to leave our poetic musings on pieces of paper – least someone finds them. We whisper our wishes in the ether and hope our lover hears them.

Internet, Tumblr, Smashword have allowed us to breath and live a little. We can now plan to leave a few scratches on the sands of time and know that some server, somewhere in the world, will preserve our feelings on endless spools of tapes and backups.

We live in hope that one day, someday, our feelings will be appreciated and understood.





HM & Hunter

HMnHunter@outlook.com







Contents

Forward from the authors

Contents

Behind the Closet Door

Silent Desires

YOU

Living a Lie

Acknowledgment

About the Authors

Our Other Books







Behind the closet door



Behind my closet door,

I dare to bare.

Bare ALL!

But only behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



How have i cried!

How have i tried!!

As much as I try,

I can’t open the door.


Stung by feelings of guilt,

I choke on my own feelings,

Welling up from within.


I suffocate in noisome silence,

Behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



If we could,

we would.

But

We can’t.


We are told to

‘Shut up’,

'Put up’

or

be shut away.


To save you and me

enormous pain

I would rather shut myself

behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



How does it feel to be free?

I wonder.


To wander as you will, without worry,

without being judged,

without judging.

Smile,

talk,

look,admire,do as you please.


I wonder,

from behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



Society makes criminals of us all.

By denying I am ‘right’,

it denies me my ‘rights’.


However,

I dare not breath for being ‘wrong’,

even behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



Sooner would i smash this door

than slash my wrists!


ALAS,

i lack the courage to do either.


Even behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



I sit,

I strain my ear,

to hear rumours, shouts of joy,

whispers of ‘we know it all’.


I sit,

I strain my ear, to hear what others know.

Real, unreal, smears, or not

I want to know.


Even behind the closet door.


I sit,

I strain my ear,

to hear your voice, amidst the cacophony of all

hoping beyond hope, to hear your soothing voice.


Even behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



Your pics, mails, chats, sweet tweets,

are rays of hope, reaching across the ether,

through the closet door.


When I peek from a crack in the closet door,

beyond the closet door,

there is a world i yearn to join.


Alas!


Mine own fears keep me locked,

behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ



How does it feel to be free?

I wonder.


To wander as you will, without worry.

Without being judged.

Without judging.


Smile,

talk,

look,

admire.

Do as you please!


I wonder!

From behind the closet door.



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ


Hidden from the world are my hope and wishes.

Lonely is mine existence.


I dare not let anyone come near me.

I dare not let anyone hear my thoughts.


Of love,

I dare not even breath a whisper to mine own ears!

Least anyone here hears.


Dull, colourless,

Is mine life.


If only I could go beyond this closet door!



ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ ɷ





Silent Desires



One sunny day,

I will claim a kiss from you,

Under a clear blue sky, picnicking in Hyde Park.


One cloudy day,

We will walk arm in arm,

In an open-air market in Marseille.


One rainy day,

We will share an umbrella,

Walking down the Broadway in NY.


One windy day,

We will sit on a boulder,

Watching the waves crash, against the Giant’s Causeway.


One cold day,

We will cuddle under a blanket,

Eating corn-on-the-cob, watching the sunset at Ayers Rock.


One snowy day,

We will make love,

In front of a roaring fire, overlooking the Matterhorn.


One breeze day,

We will share warm saki,

On the banks of Kamo, enjoying Sakura in Kyoto.


One perfect day,

We will soak our weary selves,

In the caves, steam baths and hot pools at Hilo & Puna.


One day,

Some day,

I wish ALL this will come true.







Oh heaven!

What more can I hope

than to labour between YOUR thighs!

Forever and ever!







Dew Drops.

Are they,

Tears of a lonely night?

OR

beads of Sweat,

from love's labour lost overnight?







Hid from my own shadows,

i live.


Even my loved ones know not

what i love.


In silence i pray,

least anyone hears me.


Oh God!

Let the world be less oppressive

for the next generation.


Let people breath freely,

and love truly.


Oh God!


Let mine tears not be wasted.

Please!







Under the dappled shade of a flowering tamarisk,

we tan.


Showered by blooms of wisteria and cherry.

Sharing ice tea.


Listening to doves,

cooing in the boughs above.






YOU



If only…I had someone to hug and hold me tight.

If only…I had someone to treat me right.

If only…I had someone tonight.

If only…YOU were here!



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



I would cross the seven seas for YOU

I would ride a severe storm for YOU

I would do what I could for YOU

I would even shave my entire body for YOU

I would do ANYTHING for YOU

All YOU have to do, is ask!



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



Without YOU, I am feeling Blue

Without YOU, I am on a road to nowhere

Without YOU, I am empty from inside out

Without YOU, I have no meaning in my life

Without YOU, I see no future

Without YOU, I do not exist



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



Love that dares not speak its name.

Least I defame you.

Least I convict me.


Love that dares not speak its name.

Coz the world refuses to listen.

Coz I dare not risk it all.


Love that dares not speak its name.

For,

YOU fear for me,

and

I fear for YOU.



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



A chance meeting.

A quick hello.

An awkward good bye.

…and YOU turned and smiled…at ME…



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



Never have I touched your smouldering lips, beloved.

Nor have I soothed care lines on your forehead.

Never have I caressed your thighs,

Nor have I rested on your arms.

Never have I felt your breath,

Nor have I smelt your hair.


How can I miss that, which I NEVER had?

Yet, I miss YOU more than everything I have ever had!

I miss YOU more than life itself.



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



Sun rises.

Moon sets.

Seasons change,

Again and again.


Trees shed copious leaves like tears

I can't.


Beyond hope,

Fighting despair,

I wait for YOU,

Knowing you will not come.

Can’t come.

I wait and watch with the stars,

For a time when you can come.



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



A chat,

An email

An aptly titled pic on Tumblr.

Posted to titillate and make YOU smile.


Stolen moments of joy,

with YOU.

Making ME smile for the whole day.



∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞



Living a Lie



i don’t want to live this lie!

BUT what choice have i?

Society demands my silence.

It prefers my silence to my TRUTH


i don’t want to live this lie!

BUT what choice have i?

Everyone around me prefers a carefully constructed facade.

It prefers a FAKE facade to my FACTS.


i don’t want to live this lie!

BUT what choice have i?

Society compels me to comply.

It prefers my compliance to my rebellion.


i don’t want to live this lie!

Maybe one day,

one glorious day,

I won’t have to live this lie.

I wait for that.

Someday,

One day.



Θ Θ Θ Θ Θ



Bound

by complicated webs

of desires, emotions and relationships.


In webs WE have woven.

We are ALL

bound.



Θ Θ Θ Θ Θ



I lie.


I lie to my friends.

I lie to my family everyday.


I lie to protect you,

I lie to protect me.


I lie to find time talk to you.

I lie to hide our conversations.


I lie to you.

I lie to myself.


I lie as I have no choice.

I lie to have the choice to love you.



Θ Θ Θ Θ Θ



Do i give up?

Should i just give up?


Just because the world is so crazy and cruel,

Can i give up on the world?


Can I give up on me?



Θ Θ Θ Θ Θ



Eat your ice cream before it melts away…

Enjoy your life before it fades away…



Θ Θ Θ Θ Θ



Time and Tide

wait for no man.


Mine love,

Cum Claim ME.


Claim me

Before Time, or Tide,

lays their Claim over me.



Θ Θ Θ Θ Θ



Cumplete

© HM & Hunter

By Hunter n Prey



Hope you liked our poems. Please write a review on retailor’s website where you bought this book or on Smashword’s website.





Acknowledgement

Hunter and I, write, edit, proof read, look for artwork, create the book cover etc ourselves. Therefore, we are eternally grateful to our negligent spouses and off-mood children who have no idea what we are doing for endless hours on the PC. Without their benign neglect, we would not have found each other on the net or be able to write our books.



We are very grateful to https://pixabay.com and https://picryl.com for providing us with free pictures for our cover art.



We would like to also acknowledge and thank https://www.tumblr.com which has provided us with an endless stream of ‘inspirational’ pics, gifs and videos for our stories.



We are grateful to Smashwords for creating an environment at https://www.smashwords.com/ where we can publish and share our homoerotic fantasies with as wide an audience as possible across the globe.



Most importantly, we are grateful to YOU – our audience. Without our readers, there would be no point to this entire exercise! So, we acknowledge and THANK YOU for providing us with a reason to write. We thank you for reading our stories, writing to us and following us on our Tumblr blogs



HM & Hunter

HMnHunter@outlook.com



About the Authors



Hunter and I are soulmates who live and work thousands of miles apart. Our closets are very claustrophobic and if it wasn’t for the internet, we would have died frustrated old men, believing our fantasies were our own perverted purgatories. Thankfully, living in the age of internet has allowed us to live with sanity and dignity denied to so many men, women and transgender people in the past.

As one of our safety valves, Hunter and I write sexual stories together, adding to each other’s sexcapades. Sometimes we expand on a chance events. Sometimes we write about ‘WHAT IF…’ moment in our lives. Sometimes it’s purely fictional – a dream, or a nightmare, that would, could, consume us if we ever let it become a reality.





HM & Hunter

HMnHunter@outlook.com





Our Other Books

Hope you liked our book. Here is a list of other books we have published so far. Please write a review on our book(s).



Between the Sheets

Night with Nonu

Fist Full of Gringo Dollars

Kinky Kim

Tube Ride

Teddy Brown

Bi Chance

Terrible Twins

Soldier’s Son

Max and Alex

Behind the Closet Door










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