Excerpt for The Gemini by , available in its entirety at Smashwords


Copyright






Copyright © 2018 by Julio Carlos

Published by: Smashwords, Inc.

ISBN: 9780463976494






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Preface




Water, colours, sky

Grey moodens cotton,

afloat, afternoon dresses time.


Wind, waves, wane sighs

bellow, green adorns rotten

Sun hidden, no joy to climb.


Waters, colour nothing, shy

Grey it was, found and forgotten

float dirt, thoughts cry to paper rhymes.







‘Bay’

-Ayetoro Busara








Dedication




To: Janice C. V. D. M.


Thank you.





Prime


Inspiration.

Light that guided

towards better ends.


Constellations in your gaze,

smiles, wonders

that made me forget

the troubles of bitter days.


How subtle

strong and full of will.

Delicate, unique.

Most easy to hurt

and sadly,

so demanding to heal.






Small reasons


For little reasons we stayed,

sometimes like fools

admiring their ways,

trying to protect from harm

reasonless,

comfortable at their own place.

Gracious steps

dancing on floors touched,

such a pleasure to see.

How could one resist that charm?

Please tell me,

as they are

as others can’t be.



Right steps


Steps given not

for we didn't know how to trot,

tiring weights of our bodies

upon loads of exhausted selves,

old with little health

young upon existence.


Right steps that we gave not

in moments saw,

unknowingly blind

in times of uncaring.


But how weak we were?

How deviated

after misplaced for so long?

Coming from far places,

desperate, broken

helpless.







A world


Her world exposed

with nobody to see

for nobody else should,

but those who could be.



Paper guardian


I'll be your brace

and keep you

from your silly fears.


I'll be your compass,

gliding in paper skies

squire you via written lines,

crafted by fingers

throughout time.


I’ll be your knight!

That masks of your eyes,

custody from woe

with all of his might.


I'll make you face yourself

and retrieve the weakness

lingering your words.


Tell me what to be

and I'll be it.

Tell me what you want,

I'll give it.

Making you your own slave.

Forcing you to become

what you’ve always dreamt of.



Hertz


Once again I have a heart,

hammering in my chest

for one that seems worth,

to finally give it some rest.


Made of broken pride

nurtured by stares,

painless words, light touches

a sleeping head on my chest.


Once again I have a heart

vivid in my core,

calling for the one

set apart from the rest.














Eternity in minutes


Everlasting moments lived

minutes that didn’t end,

between words and ideas,

feelings that one can't explain.


Was I eluding myself

in realities brought?


Were they real to eyes yours, as to mine?

Defying recollections answers hold.


Shy glares revived

forgotten times of child,

dreams seen with open eyes,

a missed home by your side,

found lost in my paths

before and now,

unwilling to be saved from you

nor wanting to know how.








Calm down my dear self


Calm down

oh my own self,

that stirs his mind

for feeling too much.


Calm yourself,

oh my own self,

that dares to act sincere

in a world of lies,

or you’ll waste

the shortage of your days.


Calm

oh self that is mine.

Calm down I say!

Practice patience in steps taken

towards tasteful sorrow.









We still dream


We still dream

with the vanishing of recollections,

the power of once again dreaming

with something real.


Distant moments of innocence

fearlessness,

carried reasonless,

unneedy of sense

where we smiled for something

needing nothing else.


We all want to dream

without feeling pain.

To dream the dreams

we dream to dream today,

without feeling the regret

of not being ourselves

in our own unique way.





Delicate glow


I dreamt about you for so long

that I’m still getting used

to the realities given

away of slumber.






















Leave it all


Forsake what remains

and lay on me,

in your magnificent self

that wants to be,

even if stony eyes envy.






















Enchantment


Going back in time,

in place,

finding myself in your eyes

speaking out of sense.


Admiring,

as you took away my breath,

leaving me enchanted

with your stay.


Shinning grins

giving me dreams

to lose myself in.

Limitless, they seemed.





Satellite


Keeping a smile

laughing at nothing

resting feet.

Looking at a moving spot

fixed,

escaping with delight.


Grace, skill.

Will to stop to see her pass by,

still for a while.


Not to be kept.

Eyes transfixed far high,

in her ways

leaving all mad.














Risk and fall


Dare and jump,

from the above,

beautiful as angels at dawn.


Fall when your wings tire,

drop,

my eyes admire.

Go where you desire,

‘til where you can,

and let yourself go.


My arms await you

for they know

the price of a fall.











Words, feelings, acts


Short,

abundant,

lost from reason.

Able to explain nothing.


Twisted,

dislocated,

deviated,

pure.


Shy,

true

brave.

Adorned with love to you.












There was! There was!


There was,

there was,

mine,

yours,

that belonged to none.


There was, there was,

the one that followed you

and ran away from other stares.


There was, there was

one that about you dreamt,

doubting that a dream you were not,

that loved in silence

since the day you met.














Here with you


I’d have stayed

if you asked me so,

cherishing you, lost

until my strengths gone.


















A future awaited us


A future awaits

in corners of eyes

that watch pasts at all times.

Frustrated with what can happen,

with what did not,

unaware of days that passed by.


A future awaited us

as we longed its arrival,

dreams taken

given past times

as it all was,

as it has been,

in years that were eras

in eras that moments seemed.










Shores of empty thoughts


Recorded screams in skies,

for no other place they where to keep,

painted words on clouds

that once laid clear.


Pain, anger and despair

when there where no moons

nor suns to stare.

Distant eyes

close thoughts of who’s far,

feeling missing,

misery brought by fortune.


Taking silences that make one tremble

fusing them with words

heavy nothings carried

to shores of empty thoughts,

by seas of existence

where nothing can be done.








Words of madness


Silences to nowhere.

Somewhere.

Somehow.


Vagueness of words

telling what we'll never hear.


What never thought real.


Verses of kindness

in poems of darkness.

Sense of broken times,

filling words of madness.










Fulfilling


I promised doing the impossible

to prove wrong the voices

that told I couldn’t.


I carried her as my crux

with my little remaining faith.

Fought against myself

killing thoughts,

over the years turning blank

so to keep my honour,

and preserve her tears.













Eternal


Can we be eternal as past times leave?




















Devouring


Events left playing before sunken eyes.

Displays of happiness to a lost soul.

Direction of a gaze. Tossed. Away.

Departures without a last kiss,

a torment left to be,

for a naked soul

the pretence of being so.
















The test of air


Nothing can I do

while you hide from the world

trying to find what you made missing.

The bits and pieces

of a person now forgotten.


Matching your silences

to say what is felt,

enduring the load of emotions

that invades

trying my best,

to not make the same mistakes.













Immortal Falls


Smiles decaying from happy faces

steps vanishing from crowded places.

A world changing before our eyes.
















Wanted


I wanted to know

if you’d come back,

and show me

once again

the joy in your eyes.


I wanted to know,

if you’d smile again,

making me smile along.


You could have told me,

you should’ve let me know,

so I’d kill these feelings

that gobble me inside,

tempting thoughts,

nullified actions in absent times.


I wanted to understand

make it clear,

because everything I wanted

was to have you here.







Hidden spaces


Moving away stepless.

To nowhere.

Trying to touch

those who long left.















Summers


Frigid sun pools

fiery cold blows

full moony Sun,

telling that after todays

tomorrows come.


















Winters


Infernal heats,

few,

arid breezes notifying

you’re here no more

as feelings of absence approach.

Cold that brings life,

creating something anew.

















Skies of lies


Completed dreams

in nebulae

moons shining black

as faded suns.


A cosmos falling down,

felt gravity of it all,

broken sights

upon open ground.


A look above,

miraged truths shown,

speeches of believable lies

steps given without disposition to try

as no reasons are there to be,

nor motives to ask why.











Apart!


Hidden love strap in one's mind.

A silence roaring

to another's heart.


Realities to be left apart

destinies chosen,

two resting broken inside.


Moving feet

marking measured distances

beyond infinities left to mark.













Sorry


I didn’t know how to act.

I’ve never learned so.

I didn’t know what to do,

when I had to…,

when I didn’t…


I don’t know!

How to behave

as the bravest of them all.

To fight,

heroic as in dreams and movies.


I could only be me.


I’d have lied, if you could,

but I preferred to stay true.


Sorry, I wasn’t… perfect,

but neither were you.






If


If it’s supposed to be,

I’ll go

like it has to be so.

Force ourselves against,

having no choice

but to let go.


If it's suppose to be

I’ll stay,

just like you say.

I’ll suffer,

and so will you.

If it’s suppose to be this way.









Once again for the last time


Too afraid to try what’s yet to come,

to give worth

to what is ours for the first time.

Losing, leaving,

moved by the dreadful fear

of it never coming back.


Too young to make vows,

too eager, too keen

in this promising life of ours,

so shortly lived,

immature to think about forwards

but old enough to take a certain win.


Inexperient of it all

loving,

hurting with childish fears,

living in expectations surreal.


Lads for love,

aging with foolish ideas

that we need not to find what is of no use,

overlooking the imperfect smiles,

joys to our empty worlds.





Wasting time


It could,

yes, it could be better than this.

Less confusing

more inspiring than it is.


I tried to comprehend

while you hid in uneasy smiles

leaving your laughters aside.


Perchance I was just wasting time,

trying to make you laugh

when your laughter came

with everyone's voice except mine.


I will never know,

how it would have been,

what we could have become.

Now I’m just trying to find

another place to call home.




Sunshine


Days longed to come,

but I knew I'd survive another dawn.

Strengthless I walked

hoping to find another dream,

after everything put behind.


Always lost

what will never be ours.


It was precious.

I know…

but as the dusk comes

so does the Sun's glow.














Grace


Grace.

Past with times that went by,

on beauty relied

years that turned out to be lies.

Faces fade, hearts are to be broken.

Since the beginning

Time has the truth spoken.


Places, remnants blurred.

Not mattering if right

if wrong,

grace kept from eyes

where it belonged.










Arctic hearts


Weaknesses

that evoked smiles,

sights

expelled must be

in order to see

beyond the tears.


Foolish.

We know.

Changing for promises

that no can keep,

slippery skins with gold adorned

beloved grins we cannot hold.













Steps taken towards nothing


It's ok to be sad,

when only nothing is left.

It's ok to feel bad,

for something now gone.

To be down

when pain lies on its wake.


Remnants are ours to take.


It's ok. It's fine,

to speak words of stillness,

that won’t reach our screamy minds,

when abandoned

by who said that cared,

by who pretended to be there.


Our words to them, in vain indeed,

souls strong

although bodies weak,

marked floors with steps of leave

painted grass with fallen tears,

a path found

leading us away

from what is no longer here.



Certain fears


Struggling,

to keep myself by your side

without taking your freedom away,

being a wanderer,

looking for a place to stay.


I think that in truth,

maybe this was my curse.

In the end

being the one

that uselessly

faced the fear of loss.














I’m not here!


I’m not here!

I’m not here!

I’m there, I’m there!

I’m everywhere!


Don’t look for me,

I’m not here!

I’m not there!

I’m everywhere,

just trying to go somewhere.













Our own way


Steps taken without will

towards our own way,

for everything seemed lost

as mouths lacked words

to goodbyes express.


We abandoned

the cherished and admired,

asking for the grace of wishes

for cowardness.


Mightlessly we dragged

following unsure ways

looking for someone to give us rest.











Incomplete futures


With all the eyes that I have

I tried to find your footsteps

on sands wet

proving the world wrong.


This is all madness,

I thought.

Illusions by feelings conveyed.

Incomplete futures dreamt

while time faded away.












Stay! Stay! Go!


Stay!

I pleaded

while you watched me go,

asking myself what I'd do without you.


Stay!

I begged.

As I saw you leave,

without intents of coming back.


Go!

You said trembling,

while I lost my ground for a moment

searching in your eyes

possibilities.

Finding nothing.










If I could


If I could,

I’d restart my life

to look for you first

sparing your eyes from the weights

of this trashed soul.

If I could,

Only if they allowed me to choose...

I’d stay.














Resistance


Will they resist in time?!

The certainties

the will,

the feelings.


Will they endure spoken words?!

The hearts,

the stares

the souls.


Will it be able to stand?!

The one

in trust,

for beliefs held,

once.









Never alone


Alone I will be not,

neither will you,

for I’ll carry you with me

in my heart

mind, and dreams.

















Moments without you


When you went far enough,

long enough,

things toned, … differently,

all, unimportant.

seemingly

taking the universe along

keeping it,

gifting me moments quiet

unlike those filled with your laughter.


The world silenced

with you away

remaining voices spoke seductively

undesired.

Shutting myself in

applying strengths

being weak,

searching in memory,

when you made me happy

feeling you,

as if you were here.








Hey!


Hey.

Explaining

without saying much.

Saying it without hopes of answers

expecting you to understand

what I meant to say.


Hey.

Like times before

talking in silence

with screaming souls.


'Hey!', I said

knowing that answers wouldn’t come

trying to fill voids,

so one could get some rest

after hopes destroyed.









Maybe


Perhaps I’ll fall in tears,

as I almost did most days

while thinking about this,

dominated by fears

of having you as a memory;

and to you,

being

a forgotten distant past.


By chance everything will be ok.

Things will change for the better

and you’ll came back

with your beautiful smiles,

moony gazes

of sunny eyes,

and I’ll be able to smile again

telling you how special to me you are.







The unrewarding battle


Marvellous times

preferable to nullify,

a war still fought

in domains of one's chest.

Fruitless battles

against ourselves,

giving steps into longitude

expecting to find them as somebody else.












Weight upon shoulders


Are the smiles you show to the world real?

As lost as your eyes without graces of a queen.

A tale wrote in pain.


Tell me if you’ve lost your mildness worthy of crowns,

your hopes of child

your strength of woman.

Tell me if you lost them all.


In which world you live oh sweet flower?


How beautiful was the sight

of your tearless face,

how gorgeous my desire to carry your weight,

but in the end,

foolish of me

for I was too blind to see.

Reckless.

Motives


To make you shine as never before,

forget the pain you had to endure

for I promised and said out loud

that I would stand,

with or without reasons to be proud.



Lullabies


For you I sang tunes,

screams from far away,

to make you company

while I wasn’t.


Having it all, but not what I wanted.

Weak I was, yes,

holding

for I thought

I carried the glow of your eyes

disguised as mine.


Like a fool I sang

humming, toneless

chanting, voiceless

to calm that trembling heart of yours.








Explain me


Elucidate me

Why this present drags itself

to spans ceasing real.


Give me an excuse to understand

what force is this

that keeps me from giving in.

Explain! Why her‽

Why admire one this much

and let it free?


What is left for me

besides the bootless and the senseless

as Existence is unable

to show eyes more beautiful than hers?









Who I was not so far


I thought of falling

in madness of oneself,

suffer tortures so missed.

Wonderings about “being able”,

to fearless myself express.


I thought,

of being

who I wanted,

thee who I wasn’t so far

so I’d

these foolish dreams in me

slaughter.













Held voids


Voids kept.

Muteness.

Pain endured in grace.

A glance,

kept distance.











While there is a Moon


Weeping out of self,

pretending to be

as profound cuts drain.


Times passing sluggishly

unable to let go or see

what could have been had

if it was meant to be.


Time spent in a Moon that stares,

listens, naked, pure.

Friends for eternities

that won’t be lived so soon.









Splinters


In all

poor beings,

incomplete

searching understanding

in those

as fragmented as ourselves.
















Did you?


Did you feel my agony

in handling this distances of space and time?


Have you thought

about this obstacles

that seduce my weakened heart

and destroy my decaying mind?


Did you think at any time,

that you were my Queen

and I just wanted to be by your side?









Let it be felt


Allow everything’s departure

to where they belong.

Neglect their once existence,

chapters of a memory,

deaden pasts unneedy of mourn.


Persist.

In any direction but back.

What withdrew is no longer there.


Be impervious to the world.

It doesn't care,

it doesn't know.

Forsake,

follow your self.

Feel!

and let it be felt.









Dust to the wind


Let times become sand,

realities be softened by winds

that take the agony away.


















‘’


So loved, precious

having me as yours,

... reckless

to waste one that would trade his life

for one of your smiles.












The way we are


For nothing we gave our world

and received words harsh cold,

selfishness now ours,

as for them we’ve fought

gaining curses in return.














Curses


Everyone bares a curse,

faith chosen so to hold,

to follow,

to let go.


Everyone bares a curse,

I know.

I have chosen them all.

To be the one

taking the falls,

for into more pieces

I can brake no more.











Stirring minds


One shouldn’t care,

for everything will end soon.

Faces forgotten.

Laughters faded.

Souls apart taken

by space and time

linked by hopeless lullabies

in dissolute affairs to discern.













Writings


Explaining what we miss

reveals what is missed.

Things meaningless,

stuff that does not exist.


Only by writing some can feel,

in exchange of the air breathed.

We almost die for this.

The only way we can live.











Lost


Lost myself in every word said,

thought,

taken as a play to make me smile.

As if it was possible,

to think of you and not warm up…


100 years seem nothing

compared to the seconds spent at your side,

unfinished,

leaving me senseless without you

in these times of misplace.













The memory of pain


Don't lie nor fake,

you'll suffer anyway,

be true at your wake.


I know

how hard it is to trust again,

to believe in a light

that appears to be there.

To stretch a hand

from the land of despair,

and guard oneself

from the voice

that says that cares.


I know.

Oh, how well I know what is pain,

for I have tried

to get rid of her so many times,

but always in vain.








Keeping


Away from wounds the world has to offer,

preserving who we can't afford to forsake.

Cold exteriors to keep alive inner flames,

peeling tears as winds pass

with moments warm,

holders of times to abandon

for being no longer.












‘ ’


Making sense

after cherish laid with loss.

To reach a state unsearched,

being found by love

when there was no hope.


Deceiving smiles


Promises,

too many already,

Tears misused.

Dreams disintegrated

dead

buried.

Sacrificed by vain moods.


Resting strengths applied,

guarded smiles

feelings held unshown,

hidden from a world that

has never known.











The lost child


I never asked for love

nor matching feelings.

Loyalty never expected in return.

but your eyes were kept

away from my struggles,

closed towards my denials,

revealing as willingly blind

as you appeared to be.


For so long my requests were little.

No more I asked from the world

but to see a little girl

forgotten in time,

dead between pride

and despairs of a lost child.





‘ ’


How eternal

is she

on my blank stares?



Questions of despair


For how long are we adrift?

Found when everything fades,

misplaced when it seems to be standing.

What is that that we search for?

Found when fancied no more,

had when of no use.


A nothing


There's a nothing

shrouding in me,

somehow.

A nothing

where there should be

something to feel.

I can almost grasp it

but I can't say it's real.


It hurts

for it lacks meaning.

It mars,

as it brings memories

of times I had... something

that became this.

Deserts


Too far out

away from the sandless shores

and waterless seas,

the middle of your own self,

torn between running

and hide in masks made.


Concealed tears.

Desperate worlds inside.


Pleads to clouds in silence,

mute requests kept from ears,

recollections that one can't lose

moods that you can’t take,

a stubborn core that can't be tamed.










Tears to the Moon!


Giving the Moon

tears and tiny cries,

seen by walls in night skies.

Yelling to the Moon

for not being able

to hold the missing feelings

that fill a blank whole inside,

stumbling from eyes,

born in the purest of souls

after promises

of not doing it again.












Prayer for tempting times


Save me.

I bleed at bloodless sites

torn open where there's no skin or flesh.

Attacked by every front,

tempting wicked games

laying weak as a dying prey.


Save me for I want to fall

in other arms that call,

be lost in them and more,

taste loves I can't compare to most.


«Where's your strength?!» screamed my heart.

«Where is the reason of such?» replied my mind.

And silence ruled from there by.

I’ve learnt from useless deeds,

to avoid fights

for those who don’t perceive.


Save me,

for my doom is near

and tastes sweet,

I desire it, as I never did.

Save me

for I can't save myself

if you keep refusing to see

the doubts I shield.



Marks of darkness


Décor of souls

stained tattoos.

Invalid, unheard,

tales to be left untold.


Curses that gave breath

to later abandon us

in this lake of death.

A valley of shed tears.






Easy


It's easy

to say words you don’t understand.


To judge the misery

you have never tasted.


To neglect the love

you never felt.


To remember precious moments

when you try to forget.







Relics


Lives left unlived,

sampled sense of lost.


Remaining treasures,

smiles torturous

hushing our words,

hauling to distant times

with gentle lifeless strokes.










A past to be forgot


I hate you.

A step away from love.

Centimetres.


I love you.

In distant feelings,

too far out to exist.


A past beautiful

to be forgot,

to have a shot of a future

more beautiful than this.











Sandy beach


Dying by your hands.

Appreciated image

of disappearance.


Who was I to notice

soft steps’ journeys

in windy beaches?

Too afar

to contemplate the beauty

that perhaps once existed.


Sworn vows exceeding,

now not much to offer …

What remains...

I wish to distinguish.









‘ ’



I’d call your name...


If you gave yourself to hear...


Who knows?


Reencounter you in dreams,

after pasts past.

Smiles torn and broken,

dancing in my mind.


A dead reality lives

in my drained existence

that never wits.


Who knows

if we are endlessly tied?

You destined to govern heavens,

and I,

to bare the dirt of the land.









A nameless poem


Reencountered dreams

in eyes that didn’t long to see

a past too far from reality,

the perfect reverie.








‘ ’


In the morning,

Doves resemble your light.

At night crows sing your name

in high pitched sounds.


As if


Abandoned

as if forgotten,

completely left behind.


Tormented dreams denied.

Once awake,

smiles dressed on one's face

for memories that never fade.


As if complete.

A void that none can fill,

from a fate that is to understand

or forget and let still.


However sweet,

the bitterest of all past,

as answers were never given

to questions never asked.


As if happy

empty smiles shown

to this world that doesn’t care.

A dull shine of a forgotten self.

Another day of despair.





Inks of time


Pieces of scraps unwanted

collected what was most loved.


Everything was, would be

the ways of the Supposed,

perfect nothings after much done.


Changed,

stitched rags of presents and past,

spells irrational to recall,

left.

Unworthy to be lived by some.









Once more


Trying to screech out your name,

to make sense.


Faked happiness.

Emptiness.

Contained blaring hushes.


Asking why I still stay

as if already didn’t know.

Longing to be,

again.











‘’

Lights from an unborn Sun

enlightening eyes

that didn't so far such dimness admire

as lights revive

what shouldn't have been done.






‘ ’


The feelings that touch me are vague.

The thoughts I think are vain.

The memories I bare of us, strain.


What wasn’t told


When everything falls apart,

tears made of Silence's long,

a welcome regret,

moods continue,

late to live a little more

and repeat

what uselessly wasn’t told.









Prison words


Words are cages

where truthful souls are prisoners.

Only if I knew…

Only if I knew...


My reveries, your realms

standing as the undisputed Queen,

against my will.


Only if there I could be king,

only if there I could be.

But my dreams were too real

to give me illusions to see.












‘ ’


Can i trust you?

Should i give in

after all that has happened to me?

To rescue my lost hope,

to take back a forsaken self.

Should one risk it again?


Madness!!

But so gentle your eyes look,

so gracious your tone.


Madness... Where once again I would go.

How much is real?


Lying to yourself gives you time,

to see

how much the real world is cruel,

how much of you is real.


How much of me is an illusion?

I'd adore to be.

Lovely it’d be so

to one day simply fade

and then be able to let go.


How sweet would it be?

If I made you unreal.









Hollows and voids


I wish for another type of sadness.

One I’d explain to myself

so I’d be ok.


Missing, entirely lost,

knowing where I'm in the world,

not where I stand in myself.


All I have… hollows.

Senseless abysses.

The ones you offered as treasures

the ones I keep as gifts.










Just a dream


The pain in my heart

the glow on my eyes,

reason of my soul

sadness in my mind.


Just a dream.


Illusion that balances reality

nightmares of fragrant hallucinations,

the will of my thoughts

the voice of my shrieks.


Just a dream.


The certainties of a doubtful self,

another lost soul to be dealt with.










Cold eyes


Secrets guarded in cold eyes

that once burned,

hated by personalities

that drift around.

An immense beauty forgot,

shines blurred in a child's heart.













Distant hugs


Holding upon strings of imagination

counting the will of feeling.


Picturing a smirk lacking

somewhere looking to be happy,

for so it seemed to be.


Lights bright

lasting in sight.

A voice that could say

that it’d be alright.







Past faded feelings


Perhaps forever isn't

but the time we allow to exist.


Tired


Sick of waiting

dreaming

caring for one that stole

the meaning of all,

leaving me lingering.


I broke hearts,

kept minds waiting

yearning bodies hanging,

shed tears collected, untaken,

for nothing,

hopping for what wouldn't happen.


Tired of being found

and still feeling lost,

of being bound to a rock

after the toss,

of being who I was,

for I can be myself anymore.


A shout, a scream, a growl

meaningless expressions of thee,

a man that still carries a soul.

Let me! Leave!

Give your inexistence

to another,

take back your memories from me.

I beg you, I plead

for I am a voided person

with a dead heart that still beats.

‘’


Just... stay away...

you said.

Going,

leaving me de-aired.



Naught


Remade words taken

from an imagined future

when blanks absolute

recited in croaking pitches,

deaf stretches of being.

Delicate narratives heard,

shown beauty to a blind world.


Everything was once, there

in this feelings naught.

A hope

that something was told,

left,

illusions created in minds dire.




‘ ’


Like Bukowski

but without a drink,

I lay here,

lost, broken,

without shits to give.


Muri


Useless it is.

To keep fighting.

Waste strength and time,

for those who in the end

will be only a memory of the mind.




When only everything is left


A day endless.

Raging seas disguised as calm lakes.

Appearances of happiness.

Fooling grins.

To the world, plays,

when only everything is left.




Restless


Sensibility that dies,

reminiscences weighing upon one's chest.

Secretes kept

deviated eyes

frigid anima wandering without rest.


Pulchritude in small tries, ignored,

smudged glows

immensities to unveil,

in what will become

the broken selves that didn't hold.



‘ ’


In constant linger

inconstant sorrow,

the more I think about it

The less I do know.




Strangers


I wish I'd encounter you again,

to discover if I can find myself still.

Mute and lifeless

as I gave you all my love,

shown what once feared to reveal

but you kept your words bound,

and your eyes clear.


Look at me as a stranger,

my eyes won't yours see.

Treat me as one,

for you are already one to me.






Universe


Deeper you sink into sorrow

running away,

denying owned demons,

trying to forget the love

needed so much

wasted by your own lust.


Once again drowning

in the depths of yourself,

forgetting who you are

carrying dead smiles

bringers of no light.


Needy dark world of ye,

abundant of lonesome crowds,

careless of your tears.





Fuck it! I’ll go on!


Fuck it! I'll go on!

After my words kept,

after my honour stored.

I have no time

for rascals that want slaves.


Fuck it!

I've been through a lot

my mind's changed,

my heart’s rot.


I'll go on!

Worry not of my steps

for you'll never hear them again.

Your eyes won’t have to bare

the image

you so much wanted to forget.





Does it still have value?


With distant tears

shut eyes too distant to be ignored,

thoughts crushing as words weigh,

minded in light ways.


Was it worth eluding ourselves

in the name of an inexistent love?

Be treated with covered despite

behind pre-made smiles?


Was it worth hearing?

Talking to contradict what was felt

while the feeling died with grief?




No more dreams


Time spent dreaming

that the world isn't cruel,

that all is going to be alright

but realities are to have,

and eyes no longer shine.


Thoughts from broken dreams,

foundations of a single illusion,

reassurance when believed in,

once had,

for everything is as it seems.


No more dreams.

Sick and tired of the surrealistic

filling a heart that shouldn't feel.

A mind should be kept still.


No more!

Enough of these cursed illusions of me.

‘’


How painful it is

to see you

reflected in someone else’s eyes.





Further


Complete the unfinished,

shut doors meant closed,

for it's better

than find new stories already told.


Hang on,

for there's still something left

something worth,

sought,

or merely to hold.


Speak kind words

to yourself, hopes

for they are better than lies told,

as brave hearts are vain

when they aren't bold.




Adventure


Choose your own path

be lost.

Dare to try,

because the found

are those that chose to stay.




Keep it


Keep my words!

Read my pain!

Have me as a sweet memory

or bare me as a stain.


Ignore the words I gave,

label me as insane.


Emotions are yours to see,

our story yours to regret.

A presence to be ignored

a time to forsake.





Dirt Queen


Paces of melancholy

remote from darkened eyes.

Your trashed soul,

scrapped in floor’s dust

where you chose to be sole.


Salvation was lost

when you fell from the above

to these dull lands,

carriers of no glory.


Your foolish choice.






Hate me


Hate me, because I once felt.

Hate me,

for putting you single in my eyes.

Hate me,

because I forgot how to be a fool,

after words make clear,

that nothing I meant to you.


Today, tomorrow.

Look into my eyes

with the same disgust

of the words to my face tossed.


Hate me, for once I dreamt.

Hate me, for once I cared.

Hate me, because for you, I was there.






Dreams of a mad fool


Oh, the dreams,

mirages of a poor fool,

mislaid with beautiful scenes

that finalized in splendid tragedy.


Yes! A fool I was,

that had your smiles as wealth

caring about nothing else.


I admit! Me, a fool!

That cared for you nonetheless,

real or imagined,

with flaws... laid to rest.


A fool, for loving.

A fool for trying once again.

Giving hopes to this heart

that opened itself to be left.


I've forgotten my own dreams

wanting only your sneers.


Lord, how I loved to be a mad fool

taking torrential silences,

your words with delight,

oh, yes

I was a fool with all my might.


I rejected the world,

offers of pleasures and sinful acts

the eyes of huntresses

that watched me

in the depths of nights.


But even fighting as no other

I've lost,

for in all of your realms

there was no room for dreams,

nor trust.




Answers to the ones who once loved


Condemned to Future's uncertainties

breakage of vows

made in thought words silenced,

times already named past,

lingering between carrying on and letting go.


Memories full of hurt,

the sweetest they were,

now... vanished,

with no options left

but to move on.

‘ ’


She left with my mind.



‘ ’


Hauling to the void

trying to reach her ears.

What a waste of air.



‘ ’


It was... gorgeous.

The lightness of her steps

as her skin kissed the air...

It is... Magical, still.




Missing pieces of remembrance


Daring myself to forget you,

failing miserably all the time

as definitions go away

along missing pieces of remembrance.

‘ ’


I wish you could notice

that the ink I use,

to tell this tales

is a metamorphosis

of my blood that rushed for you.


How can a woman be so cruel?






Not any simpler



Not any different.

Having it all,

but empty in the end.

A forbidden fruit that doomed men.


It was no different.

Just simpler.

Given. Taken.

Now had as something to seek

or to wait for.


Now we desire

and recall.

Prisoners

of what we were so afraid of.










Comprehension


So this is love...

...

prison of emotions

vulnerability over others.

Constant linger, anxious.


Love, they say...

I have felt it

or may,

in the moments

where I was

for good, burnt.








‘Memory’


Haven’t I feel enough?!

I ask to some force in the universe

trying to find an answer

that I know very well.

Memory.




Soul cuts


Taking away the crust,

we like to bleed,

to feel why we have these wounds,

remember, that one day,

maybe,

they’ll heal.


Prizing our scars

as proof of our survival,

reasons of strength.


Scabs, wounds, blood.

We have them all,

not minding

for bearing worse on our souls.





‘ ’


How many guts

I have to tear

for you to realize

how much I still care?



Lost presence


Traces of ‘once-upon-a-time’

leap, from smile to smile

as they hold vague companies dear.

.... Still.


Curses... Destroyed in vain,

as unhoping thoughts

lacking willings,

weight gain.


Seconds unfold

as the folds constrain,

mirrors watch

the unusual scenes

as they appear uninvited,

again.










No such thing as fate


Is it therapy

or addiction?

The willing to express myself

out of you.


Is it comfort what I seek?

Or strengths to leave?

Wishes to be bound again,

with a hopes thief.


Is it logical

or delusional of me?

To be haunted

by the forgotten.

Said.

Once assuredly felt.


Remnants of love and hate.

...

As you’ve proven to me,

and to yourself,

that there is no such thing as fate.



‘ ’


For reasons long lost

I trace your beautiful face

unchanged in time, frost.



Peace


Realization

of the worthlessness

as priceless holds my hand

in small attempts,

of giving myself away.


Smiles on my face,

dances, deep breaths.

Peace.









Relapse


Savouring images of you.

I know they won't be true,

and so I wish,

as so does my soul

calling you in it's silence.


My brain’s illuding me,

with your imagery,

of angry words to hide smiles,

as I become shy,

once again...

wishing it’d happen one more time.








‘ ’



Demons of your face...

still

slows bring you back...

leave.

‘ ’


Eyes flare!

Rage

a heavy atmosphere.

Patience.

A hard shut stare.

Tears flood, teeth clench.

You are not there.

‘ ’


Who am I kidding?

Like a welcome apparition

she’s always in the back of my mind.



Ruler of sadness


Gripped to you,

walking miles in vain

standing

again,

looking, in despair

masked as fury,

motivated by pain.

















Syrup coated numbness


To live in a world

seemingly....

The lurking will of abandoning it all,

seems, ...sweet.














‘ ’


My cries are useless.

She won’t listen.

She won’t listen.





Two faced


Unexpressed tears

followed contained screams,

pains too good to let go

lessons, precious, forgot.

Suffering worlds

inside,

that smile, outwards.








Leftovers of love


Love lies in the leftovers of pain,

given by bravery

of wills and fate

forgotten between the half-eyes

that half say and half shut,

incompletely surrendering to us,

afraid of knowing how to give.

‘ ’


It takes courage

to ink you into paper.

It hurts,

but if I don’t

I’ll suffocate.
















In times of crying


Letting you slip off my mind

as your image crosses.

Presence

twitches

sequels.


Letting you go,

things better left told

as useless as trying

for decisions were made

in times of crying.

‘ ’


Entangled were fingers

in hairs that no more care.













To you, my very best


So little of me is left.

For you,

my very best.


A dim dimmed hope,

a breezy will to try.


Lost, I know it is,

this fight.


Victory yours to claim.


Such a shame.


...


To leave,

without honour stained

with empty hands

unable to sustain.





‘ ’


Commitment.

To the bone I had it.

I walked into hell

with my head high,

ice on my veins,

I looked into the Devil’s eye

and winked.


I did it all,

the impossible,

the unthinkable

and more.

I did it all for your smile.

But oh,

what is it all worth?

What is it all worth now...?

‘ ’


On you I used to get high.

I don’t want a rehab,

I need a relapse.





Haunted


Let me stop dreaming

possibilities in futures

running as rivers streaming.


Desires are to be kept.


For you,

a heart faintly beating

powered by memories

that haunt while creeping.

‘ ’


Let the world burn,

I don’t care anymore...

Without you

I’m in Hell’s hold.

















The price of loving an Hibiscus


Betrayal and pain

unseen by those with only eyes,

a scar,

bittersweet taste of the blood that runs,

wounds that remember us of who we are.


Efforts not to cry,

the despair of losing

when a dying hope dared

one last time.












As if we knew


One more hour,

one more minute,

another second spent

wasting another gaze

in nowheres placed,

waiting for times to be perfect,

change,

as if you could enjoy an ounce of it.


One day it will end,

as none remember what was done,

but the undone

in this world that slips through our fingers,

and we, unknowingly,

slip through the hands of time.

‘ ’


One day,

I was somebody,

because of you.


One day,

I became somebody,

for you.


‘ ’


To forget you,

yes I try my fibres out,

but what to do

with a stubborn heart?

‘ ’


Isn’t it beautiful,

the harshness of letting go,

when confronted

by the sight to be purged?


Isn’t it lovely,

the feeling of being so,

as life seems promising

when wits are grown?


Isn’t it... beautiful?

Isn’t it beautiful,

the harshness of letting go,

when confronted

by the sight to be purged?


Isn’t it lovely,

the feeling of being so,

as life seems promising

when wits are grown?


Isn’t it... beautiful?



‘ ’


She was my happiness.


She didn't stay.

‘ ’


Views...

Not less beautiful than before,

hearts brave skipping beats

second

of an unintentional 'hi'

admired eyes,

treats.

‘ ’


Head to the window

looking not for something to see,

intentions to travel away

unintentionally having you as a destiny.


A smile,

stupid

on my face,

as blood returns to my cheeks,

an once tasted scene,

now

a memory.

‘ ’


How many poems

are left in me

of your face?

‘ ’


Can I look back

on something

that sets my North?


Can I look back,

if I've got only nowhere to go?



‘ ’


My heart hardens

to not feel the pain

that visits it,

fragile,

as my soul recalls

your touch

delicate.

‘ ’


After you

''I love you''

feels coarse

on the ears of mine...

‘ ’


Burning too hot,

a hugging blaze.

I was too intense...

they say.


I could love you no other way...

‘ ’


Your sight

was enough

to rush oceans

that my cheeks would touch.


‘ ’


Beating heart

fast paced breath

vivid eyes,

sweat.


An entrance to never forget.

Messed hair,

a smile of shyness

as silence covered.


From my eyes to my spine

quakes,

as she arrived late

for the first time.

‘ ’


Beating heart

fast paced breath

vivid eyes,

sweat.


An entrance to never forget.

Messed hair,

a smile of shyness

as silence covered.


From my eyes to my spine

quakes,

as she arrived late

for the first time.

‘ ’


I’ve lost,

a mind.

I can’t remember if it was mine.


But I’m ok.

I guess.


Words

Forgotten that try to express,

detangle,

feelings that are a mess.

A comic uncertain future

unfolding Karma’s bless.


‘ ’


I try to move on.


I do.

I honestly do try to forget.


Why did she care?

Why did she care...

Japan


To dream

of a place far out

reaching those who flee south,

giving everything away,

adventure, they say,

risk it all, in order to together stay.


To imagine,

living out of dreams,

simple things,

to play, to paint,

watch anime in bed.


Your hair... God.

A smile worth the try.

‘ ’


Does she think about me?

During the day?

When she almost falling asleep?


Do I ever cross her mind?


Does she ever remember me?

Even by mistake?...


Does she...?


Was I to her

somebody?

Leave my mind Gemini


Your walk

the dare to stare.

Of you and I

a mind in the deepest of nights,

trapped, a smile.

Leave my mind Gemini.


Beats of calm hearts,

fuck.

Again, the impulsiveness to try.

Forgotten pride,

hatred left aside.

I... You... Why‽

‘ ’


How wise it was...



... How graceful


To make me suffer at once.

‘ ’


To see you...

afar... the will of calling your name

ajar,

the vow to myself

for you

for you!

To keep myself, as far.

Blood Dance


Pieces of me

beautifully laid

to you,

collected heart of broken glass

turned to finest grains of dust

as you danced upon,

giving a show,

that I, stupidly admired in woe.

‘ ’


I was afraid that I'd hurt you

but you put a hand on my shoulder

and said: ''you won't''

... So I didn't.

‘ ’


A mind.

Soul.

A heart.

Simply...

Collapsed.

‘ ’


A look away!

A gaze into far,

like my soul didn't crumble

as you passed.

Bravado!

For my integrity,

I couldn't once again

compromise.

‘ ’


To show you,

the immensity

of love

that for you I bared,

I left.



‘ ’


How can one simply

... let go?


One can not simply...

let... go.











The End





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