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Excerpt for A Taste Of My Thoughts Toilet Seat Blues by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

A Taste Of My Thoughts

Toilet Seat Blues

By Steve Lake

Copyright 2018




Smashwords Edition 2018

Published by Steve Lake

Copyright 2018 Steve Lake




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If you have enjoyed this poem, please take a moment and reward me with a review on the smashword.com page where you downloaded it. Thanks Steve




Toilet Seat Blues

Copyright 2-2-2018

Stephen Lake




I enter into my isolation chamber

Alone with my thoughts

It began with a cramp

Then upon the floor my pants hit in a single drop


Before this moment

My day was looking up

Then I got hit with the reality

Starting my blues

I just about gave up


I sat upon the toilet seat

Ice cold upon my bum

Squeezing down the cushioned toilet seat

Being bitten by a crack worn and long


I then started my labor

Hoping the pain wouldn't last long

Then deposited with a mighty splash

Damn splash back upon my Dong


I wiggled and jiggled

The water was mighty cold

Then the stank rose up

Like Santa, I twitched my nose


I looked upon the bathroom sky

No fan to offer me relief

But there was a can of air freshener

Claiming to be discreet


Through watery eyes, I read its face

It said a fine pine smell to eliminate your disgrace

Like in a war the can was my gun

I shot in every direction

20 squirts to be safe

Then I was done



The room now covered in a fine morning mist

Upon my leg like dew, it alit

The claim to be as fresh as a piney woods smell was true

But it just added something to my blues


Through the mixture of smells

My thought transported me from this living hell

In my mind, I stand in the piney woods

Knowing now what it smells like

When a bear shits in the woods


It's time for me to do the paperwork

My crap is the ink

A sign the paper with my ass

It ran out in a wink


I reached over for the cabinet door

Looking for spare roll

Only to find a sign that read

It sucks to be you anymore


I rose upon my sleepy legs

Moving towards the sink

Tempering it to warm water

To wash away my stink


I laid a finger upon the soap bottle

To get me one little squirt

It shot off like a rocket

That was the last straw

It's when I went berserk


I reach for the toilet handle with my foot

Giving a quick kick

The water started to swirl

Rising up to return my shit


It started to ooze upon the floor

Like a waterfall giving more

I jumped up on the toilet seat

Slipping off onto the floor


I awoke five minutes later

Soaked and covered in shit

Like the bear that crapped in the woods

I decided to split


Leaving behind a gruesome sight

For the next visitors fright

Pee water and crap all over the floor

Floating in it was my clothes

I abandoned them not needing them anymore


Then the next visitor sent out an alarm shocked by what he sees

Arriving was the police, fire department, news people and other witnesses to be

Some said it was impossible

But the scene added up from all the gore

Some say it was fact and others say it was lore


At home, I sat all comfy and dry

Watching the top news story at five

On the TV they showed the gruesome sight

Saying a man committed suicide

Swimming down the drain

Because he could no longer stand his pain


I fell out of my chair laughing so hard landing upon my hands and knees

My face covered in tears on how serious they all seem to be

When the news reporter avowed and declared

The scent smells like a bear shitting in the woods

My toilet seat blues were all cured

This time no more air freshener for sure!



If you have enjoyed this poem, please take a moment and reward me with a review on the smashword.com page where you downloaded it. Thanks Steve



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