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The Mermaid’s Arms

J. Elk-Baptisté

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2019

J. Elk-Baptisté

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The Mermaid’s Arms

Tic Tac

Chill breezing past the outhouse door

Soft shoe shuffle in my drab slippers

To prevent the toes from dying

“Man In Toot Loses Feet To Frostbite”

You see the headline don’t you?

Thank the Lord for the view I suppose

Again—because without it a man would go mad

Of a morn’ with the sheer boredom and the weather

But the view out there with the door open

Out over the bay where I see those trawlers

Setting out is fantastic really

And that despite the misty conditions and

The nagging smell of oatmeal wafting out from inside

And the paper this morning is a trifle thin

For the coin; hardly seems worth it

As for the news itself, there’s not much to any of it

It’s a pity someone doesn’t do something


Anything—something light-hearted would be fine

Because I don’t think much of these funnies either

Tom Hanks has been at it again I see

Was okay in the one with the airliner; played the captain

Nope—name escapes me I’m afraid

Cannot be too important can it?

Now here’s an interesting article

The U.S. Air Force has been keeping busy

Chasing Tic Tacs


Mer-people of the world

Oannes and the rest of you

Gather ‘round good folk and

I’ll see if I can entertain you

It might not be at all possible of course

But I shall try…

Do my best


Let’s see then

Have you heard the one about the cod?


South African smoked cod?

Well—that’s gone down like a ton of ballast

Hasn’t it?

Mister, Cray-bird will you resume your seat?

Nah—second thought--never mind, John, mate

This lot wouldn’t know “funny” if it got up and gaffed ‘em

Everyone wants trouble don’t they?

Try to pass time with a little light comedy

Bit of free stand-up—and look what you get

Fucking steamed fish

Hey—that’s not too bad actually, steamed fish

Okay cool it bastards—chill!

Check the fish over near the stairs, John

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