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Excerpt for Generation Ken by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Generation Ken

by Ken Squires

Copyright 2019 Ken Squires Publishing

Smashwords Edition


Check Out My Site/Blog:

http://KenSquires.wordpress.com


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Mouth Lies, Legs Tell Truth

Funny all those lies that you kept telling me when we were together, then you wanted to stage it where you were reading an article and kept saying "this is so me"

Claiming quietly that you have hypoactive sexual desire, thirteen years you kept claiming that and you barely touched me.

We split and your legs can't open fast enough. Already looking for new comers


Guess old habits die hard with you, since you use to surf the net for guys.

Now it seems you have all these guys flocking towards you saying how much they loved you.

But yet you continue to bad mouth me under your breath, it's funny. You don't seem to have a problem living under this roof.


Guess with everything being given to your for basically free, why should you move.

But your mouth has already gotten you into trouble around here.

I'm not the only one who've noticed a difference in terms of how you have been.

Since your last date, I'm sure you'll be going on another one soon enough.


Wonder how many suitors you have already, you telling them all you don't want a relationship, but willing to climb into bed with each of them.

People always told me to watch for the walk of shame.

Sadly that slut doesn't have shame.


Either the problem was me or you had something else going on behind my back.

I would point it towards you had something else going on in hopes of me not finding out.

Your entire life had this one big secret covered up by your lies and deceit, only certain people knew it. But yet you never let me peak under the curtain you kept ignoring it.


It's funny how quick the truth gets spread out.

They can all have you, specially once you leave this house, oh yes you will leave this house. I know you will be moving, when the nicer weather gets here I'll be sure to start dropping hints.


But the only thing your dropping is your panties to the floor of everyone you go around.

Let's not forget the latest bullshit of you telling your friend that your a lesbian, guess you really want to climb in bed with anyone possible.


Ken

Do You Really Love Me ?

Do you really love me ?

How do I know ?

How do I know your heart is true to me ?


If I chose to take my own life today

Would we meet up in purgatory tomorrow ?

While the blood spilled from my veins today what would you be planning


Would you be planning a way for a time spent eternally with me ?

Or would you spend your time grieving and in time moving on

Finding the next guy who fills your soul with those things that I couldn't


How do I know we were meant to be ?

How do I know that you would want to be together with me forever

What if I ended up in hell ?


Would you want to spend your life in hell with me

Where all the bad things possible could be done to us

But we would be together, isn't that the main thing for eternal love


Isn't that what everyone wants is to spend love together.

What if death do it's part isn't enough ?

What if I wanted to be with you after death


What if I was willing to trade my wings and halo to go to hell

What if I was willing to battle a thousand demons to goto heaven

What if I was willing to do all that, would you it be worth my time


Would you actually be happy to see me ?

Would you look at me and smile and know that I went through hell

That I went through the fucking impossible in order to see you


Would that be enough for you ?

Or would you look at me like "what do you want ?"

Expecting me to do that every month, week, day


Am I just wasting my time in order to fulfill this thing called happiness

Like we were some video game characters and you were the one that filled

That filled my love and actually put a smile on my face, would it be worth my time


Or am I wasting my time

Am I best to let you set sail to find someone else

In order to go with him, the one who seems to hunt you and pursue you


Is he the one that you would rather wake up next to

The one that you don't have to worry about, the one you can see anytime

Who would drop the world to come see you.


Not the one that you deeply worry about when you don't talk to

What might he be doing ?

Will this be the last message, his last breath, is this his death


What if deep down you secretly feel like I'm not worth your time

But your afraid to tell me, because your afraid.

Afraid about how I may take it, not knowing if I'm strong enough


Would you be willing to show me that I'm worth it

Or am I starring at the drain

The drain in the bathroom, while I watch drips of blood


Run down my wrist, dripping from my fingers

Into the sink to collectively fill the sink before my body can take no more

Dropping itself to the ground in order to lay in that position to be found.


By someone, only for news of my demise to filter through the world

To sometime come to you

How would you react, would you want to meet up in purgatory


Or would I never see you again and I would walk alone until the end of the end


Ken

MediHate

I dump the pills out on my desk listening to the sounds of them dancing across

Sorting them out into piles as I start my week, shuffling them into there own piles

Continuing to do so I make seven piles for seven days of the week.


Sliding each pile into it's own little cavern into the pillbox, thoughts go through my head

What one of these are keeping my nightmares at bay, keeping me from loosing it.

Keeping me from doing something really fucking drastic, as I over react to what you say.


The pills drop one by one into it's own cavern as follows by a click of the lid shut.

Almost like I'm locking my mental state up and keeping it in it's own personal jail.

Having to keep it in a small box, not letting it out to play with the rest of the world.


Who would want to play with it, nobody did before hand, why would someone now

As the fourth day of seven gets poured into it's own cavern, my soul shutters.

Thinking about what it could have been, what might be if things stopped.


As I slide the final day across the table, I open my eyes.

My brain slowly wakes up, wait a minute, these pills aren't mine

I'm not the one taking them, they aren't affecting me in anyway


I have nothing slowing down or curbing the thoughts in my head.

Or curbing my own actions, how I react to things.

No longer I have to feel like I'm tied down with restraints to the bed


What if I was a completely different person.

Perhaps a person with darker thoughts

Is that who I want to be, is that what I want.


Or is it best to stay quiet where people think there's something wrong with me

Ssssshhhhhhh here they come, all decisions may be dumped on me again.

Don't say a word, don't make sudden movements. Be still, like a t-rex is near.


Ken

Blue Skies Of Sadness

Who says dark colours have to be the cause of ones sadness

Why can't blue skies, something that happens frequently.

Nobody knows what makes one person sad, or one person happy.


The chemical reaction of the brain telling one from the other

Pills, popped in ones mouth can convince them otherwise

But only if they accept that fate.


The world as we know it can change in a heart beat.

Or it can fade to black with one flat line

The world in it's entirety is a strange and complex thing.


Emotions that one bleeds is just as strange and complex

Does one simply understand the emotions that they go through.

Like really understand them, or have we just scratched the surface


The blue skies of sadness tell the story, of confusion

I tell the story of what might have been

Or what struggled to get going.


The inner workings of my mind, do they frighten you

Are you deeply concerned for my well being

Or do you want to dig deeper, see what other thoughts I have


Would silence bother you if I didn't write the next day

Perhaps my thoughts are like a puzzle, the missing piece could be key

Something that could swarm the ideas out of me, or barricade them in.


The deep thoughts that may or may not scare you.

Blue skies of sadness

As the world turns


Ken

Fucking Hate Myself

Look at that idiot starring back at me in the mirror.

He actually thinks he's got things figured out, he's got things to do

What he doesn't realize is how much his insides hate his outsides


From a young age the hate began, it continued to grow with each passing day

Never really seen a reason to stop.

Decided to start drinking back in the day, but the hate never stopped.


At times it got much worse, I looked around at the rest of the people near me.

If I was going to do something, I didn't want alcohol to be a possible reason for it

Anything that I was going to do, I wanted to have full control over, nothing accidental.


As the years passed it just continued to flow through my veins, some people have blood.

I have self hate.

Think there's very little about me that I actually care for.


I've always been the one to keep myself locked away from others.

Nobody needs to be near this, or get close to this

Just a waste of time and skin, no reason for it.


As the world continues to turn, I continue to teach

Myself with the tools that I have, in order to tell my own story

In my own words.


We all have good days, we all have bad days.

I've never had a day that I actually cared for myself.

Lost four teeth, just didn't care to up keep this body


I know I'll be loosing more in due time

They couldn't have been saved.

My interests come and go.


I could never look at myself in the mirror

Maybe that's why I close my eyes when I get changed.

I've always hated myself, never been anything that I liked.


I'm sure I'm not alone in this world

Knowing others hate me too

Why wouldn't they, the real question is why would they like me ?


Ken

Nice

I'm so nice, you already know.

I'm keeps it respectable from Toronto to Tokyo

I keeps you reading all of my books

reading all of my books


I'm just heaven sent, rising up through the ranks of the living

Until it's my own time to ascend to the sky above


Filling my brain with the knowledge to spread it upon the rest of those who follow me

Cramming my brain with so many ideas it keeps me awake at night causing me to loose sleep.


I'm writing so much, why hasn't the world taken a moment to stop and notice

When they've finally caught on I no doubt would be moving onto something else


I'm so nice, you already know.

I'm keeps it respectable from Toronto to Tokyo

I keeps you reading all of my books

reading all of my books


Ken

Colostomy Bag

You attempt to be Mr Smooth having all the right lines that women want to hear, almost like you've done the research on the subject and visited all the love lorn websites to hear women complain about what they want to find in a guy.

So you decide to mash it all up making one think that your Mr perfect as you spill paragraphs of shit you would see in a self help love letter.


But you don't realize that the one girl you have just so happen to choose was taken, she very easily sent me all that you said and as I read it I couldn't help but to feel.


Your nothing more than a colostomy bag

Trying to convince the world that your something more than that

When in reality everything you say and do equals colostomy bag


Let me give y'all some more insight, since I hate to see you walking around blind

Having white canes so you don't bump into walls or fall down stairs, cause I'm that nice.


"my heart has no room for another girl, you are the only one I want for the rest of my life"

"Every day I spend thinking of you, I will never stop loving you"

"I have already fallen for you"


Those are just excerpt's from three short paragraphs, portraying his love for her.


Your nothing more than a colostomy bag

Trying to convince the world that your something more than that

When in reality everything you say and do equals colostomy bag


The shit that runs out of that boys mouth, childish really.

It makes me sit, think, ponder.

How much shit does he come off with. Does anyone really believe it


I find him nothing more than a joke.

He's no real threat to me

How could he be, it almost sounds like he wants to swoon her and lock her away.

Deep in a dungeon never to be found, to be sold as a sex slave.


That boy is from another country, hits on her via instagram

I recently joined instagram, waiting to see if the boy got courage to post public

I'm not one to start a fight, I know she'll quickly block him if he gets out of hand.

But we'll see what happens when he makes a comment and has to face a real man


Your nothing more than a colostomy bag

Trying to convince the world that your something more than that

When in reality everything you say and do equals colostomy bag


Ken

Curled Up In The Corner

Feel like I just want to curl up in the corner.

In a tight ball, hoping that everything will stop

The yelling, screaming, talking to me like I'm an idiot


The stupidity out of other peoples mouths when your just trying to help

As I rock back and forth trying to to find comfort

At times even clutching a plush toy in hopes of finding comfort


In hopes of the it all stopping

In hopes of the voices in my head keep echoing it all


Would it help ?

Would it make me feel better ?

Would it make everything go away ?


Sadly, I don't think so.

This is my life now, curled up in the corner

Trying to find comfort.


Ken

Mom Answers

You know your dealing with a long time Mom when you get Mom answers.

The feeling of being in kindergarten washes over you with almost each conversation.

Everything you do, deserves a gold star

You can't do no wrong, everything is sunshine and praised upon.


She likes everything you do with little to no thought process

She wants you to do more of it, without thinking twice about it.

She's been a Mom for so long that she starts treating others like her children.


She knows who she is

She knows I love her


She also knows many conversations I've kicked off the line of....

"How about we try that one again without a Mom answer"


Ken

The World Is Filled Up

The world is filled up with the dumb and the stupid

Can't parents raise there own kids anymore

Does the world have to do it for them


Youtube changing up content rules just to raise your kids

Yet when it first came out, we all thought it would be cool to share videos

Now the younger generation having to fuck it all up, one bad apple spoiled the bunch


The world is filled up with the dumb and the stupid

Can't parents raise there own kids anymore

Does the world have to do it for them


If we went back to how we grew up in the 90's we would watch the population drop

A steadily decrease in the numbers in the world as might actually get better

Who are these parents anyway, clearly them giving everything to there kids is the fall of mankind


I never had a cell phone when I was a kid, shit I'm in my 30's and still don't have one now.

The internet wasn't the way it is now, could you imagine your kid trying to do this shit on dial up.


When did your child become our responsibility, clearly your parents should have used protection.

How in the world did things get fucked up this bad ?

How in the world did things get fucked up this bad ?


The world is filled up with the dumb and the stupid

Can't parents raise there own kids anymore

Does the world have to do it for them


Maybe you should get off your ass and raise your own damn kid.

Your the parent not the friend, my parents didn't raise me by doing what's popular

They raised me by doing what they felt was right


Old school parents would be frown upon these days.

Clearly these kids need to be disciplined

Clearly these kids need to be spanked


Ken

Coldness

It's clear to me that it's cold outside.

Listening to the wind howling, I don't even have to glance out the window.

No matter where I am in the house I can hear it.


Looking outside gives me the shivers as I can't believe how nasty it looks.

Jumping online as I constantly get updates about the weather.

Accidents like crazy, pile ups, and so many roads closed.


Trying to stay warm and safe at times is a difficult thing

As the world almost freezes, people feel so fucking affected.

But sadly it doesn't affect me, I continue to hide in my house.


I rarely leave it, at times it bothers me

At other times I'm alright with it.


It's clear to me that it's cold outside.

Listening to the wind howling, I don't even have to glance out the window.

No matter where I am in the house I can hear it.


Ken

Zero

That's how some people see me.
As a zero
As nothing

It's exactly what I got on my last release, zero reads.
Not a single fucking person read it.
But here I am back at it again.

The next book I chose to put it up for sale, in hopes of some coin in the pocket
It sits on the shelf collecting dust, nobody is buying, nobody is looking.
World continues to rotate, everyone's lives continue to move forward.

I stand here out in the rain wondering why, one solo cloud in the sky.
It's all raining down upon yours truly.
I thought things would have been differently by now.

I see life hasn't changed.
Just more people see me as it

I see life hasn't changed.
Just more people see me as it

Ken

That Silent Type

Yup, that's me..

Always been the one who sits and keeps to himself

That guy who hangs out with people and doesn't have to talk.


Always feeling like I don't fit in

Never know what to say so I keep to myself

The silence is my best friend, could be my worse enemy.


Not sure if many people understand me

Not sure if many people understand me


I think very few people do

But many try, I don't think many want to explore it.

Better off left alone, he must be crazy, must be psycho


Those who don't talk must have something wrong with them

Gotta have a screw loose, or that's what they tell me


Not sure if many people understand me

Not sure if many people understand me

Not sure if they would really want to


Ken

Sunshine Through Black Clouds

I keep looking up, but still seeing the same thing overhead.

Keep looking towards people in hopes of them showing something different

But it's still the same, the sunshine doesn't appear to exist.


Being surrounded by black clouds as the world turns I keep wondering about my life

Will it really get much better as the days change to months into years

Or will some sort of sunshine break through the black clouds overhead


It might be my fault because this is how I am, always have trouble talking to people

Never been the one to make many friends, living in large groups of one.

People never want to spend time with me, would rather turn and run like I'm Frankenstein


As I sit and stare at the headlines and what other people talk about

I can't help but sit and wonder about everything in this world

Wondering how can others can get chances that I never had


Watching all these backstabbers treating others poorly

But these dark clouds hide me from the rest of the world like I don't exist

Dark clouds hide me from the rest of the world like I don't exist


They would rather turn and run like I'm Frankenstein

like I'm Frankenstein


Ken

How ?

How can these guys get chances with women left and right

But yet after they left they have done nothing right

Here I sit and the chances are slim to none.


The Frankenstein among men.

The heart of gold, always trying to love and care for those close to me

Yet people pass me by like I'm not what they want


Then they cry about the one they're with treating them like shit.

Guess you bought the smoke and mirrors that he placed in front of you

But the guy who sits on the sidelines that you don't even notice continues to sit.


How can these guys get chances with women left and right

But yet after they left they have done nothing right


Ken

Pulled It Like

I sometimes write with the intention of being like Tupac.

Wanting to drop some meaningful shit that will live on forever and make people relate.

Then other times I want to write stuff that is slathered in sarcasm.


Ideas tend to pull me like I pull my cock

Frequently and like crazy as I continue to slather it in sarcasm

Like a nice wet orgasm


You can thank me later after your body has calmed down

Once you have figured out where you are and what has happened

But it's alright, it's all been good. You enjoyed it and so did I.


In this day and age it was very much a good touch

Things were a little strange at first and might have been rough


I write all this poetry that people seem to give constant likes to

But when it comes time to do something like support me with more than a like

It truly becomes a ghost town, turning those numbers into a fucking frown.


Slippery like a nipple as the ideas come from me.

As I continue to pull ideas out

Like I pull my cock.


Ken

Tired Of Competing

Never thought things would have turned this way but I guess that's the way things did.

Always feel like I'm competing to be with people, they throw money and objects

I got nothing but me to give, clearly this isn't enough for anyone.


Everyone wants money and objects, so maybe nobody was meant for me

Certainly doesn't seem this way, but as I continue to be me in this world.

My everything always gets twisted and tangled in the meaning


They tell me there's no competition for you, it's not how I see it.

Very seldom do guys do anything that big without wanting something in return

They may not talk about it but I bet they just want you to grab your ankles


As this competition continues to grow I'll gladly walk myself to the back of the line

Everyone else can go ahead of me, I'll sit at the back and wait.

Maybe something will click and you'll realize what you want cause it doesn't seem it's me


Didn't think this would actually be a competition at the start

But as time grows I can see that it is

Never been one to compete


I don't throw money, even if I had it, never been like that


As this competition continues to grow I'll gladly walk myself to the back of the line

Everyone else can go ahead of me, I'll sit at the back and wait.

Maybe something will click and you'll realize what you want cause it doesn't seem it's me


Ken

Communicating Like A Puzzle

Always thought what I had to say was rather straight forward.

I don't try to mix my words to confuse people, or drop double meanings

To have people always guessing at what I mean, simple, easy to the point


In this world I'm starting to realize that most people communicate like a puzzle

There's always missing puzzle pieces when you talk and have to figure it out yourself

Wish these people would come with directions, cause I don't think they have any


Trying to communicate is hard enough for me and always has been

But trying to communicate with puzzles makes me want to talk less

If I put duct tape over my mouth would anyone overly miss my voice


Doubtful, as nobody really knows what it sounds like since I tend not to use it.

As I continue to write the thoughts in my head, I get some much needed clarity

I get it why women date guys who treat them badly like it's some sort of smell


A smell that they become infatuated with that they don't want to leave

Being in a relationship with them is like a real puzzle, but they stay

I've heard they stay for many reasons.


Us nice quiet guys will sit on the sidelines and shake our heads.

Not being picked for those teams, as we tend to sniff ourselves

Wondering if we're giving off the wrong scent, not sure if that's it.


There really is no hope for nice guys in this world.

We're clearly out numbered 1000 to 1

By the time we get one that have gone through hell.


We're sitting here wondering what the fuck is going on

Simple tasks, clearly are no longer simple

Communicating has turned once again into a puzzle


We tend to wonder if there is really any communicating now

Don't think an algorithm can solve these puzzles

Don't think an algorithm can solve these puzzles


Ken

Bottle Up The Pain, But The Bottle Is See Through


As much as I've tried to bite my tongue over things it's hard for me.

I always store my dislike of certain things in a bottle

But the problem with that is...


I bottle up the pain, but the bottle is see through

You know exactly where to look to see how I feel


Promises get made by you, sadly I see how things are going to end.

I see that you will completely change your life and I see them all getting mad at me

But it's not what I wanted you to do, you tell me you worry about me


I try to help you out, so you don't get hurt, so you don't have to hide more from me

But all I get is more and more frustrated

To the point of wanting to turn things off, just ignore the messages


Let me just hide from it, it doesn't matter to me anymore

You can tell me that you worry about me every day.

You can tell me that you love me every day


But the moment I try to help, I see that I'm in the wrong

When I try to help, I know I'm in the wrong

I know I'm in the wrong.


I bottle up the pain, but the bottle is see through

You know exactly where to look to see how I feel


Ken

Always Hated Myself

When people find that out, I've often been questioned why.

They tend to spill a bunch of stuff about me being a great guy

It doesn't mean that I don't see the darkness within when I look at me


I've always had trouble doing stuff, all through my life

Simple tasks that some may take for granted.

Being around people, talking and trouble being comfortable with myself


People don't seem to understand it

But it could be a reason why I always hide in the basement


I feel like I've never did fit in.

Like a big peg into a small slot


I'm no doubt that weird guy that you make stories about

The one who roams around by himself


Ken


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