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Unspoken Words: A Poem Collection


Smashwords Edition


Copyright © 2019 Madi Kalane


All rights reserved.



No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.



Cover Designer: Paanya Designs

Contents



My Winter Victims


To my winter victims,

I haven't forgotten

The foundation you've built

Of me- our summer romance

on a jagged ground;

Thinking we will make it

When nature changes colours

And flowers shed off its petals

Just so you can watch me collect

The fragments of my heart

In the cold.


When winter came

Creeping,

Whispering my name

You left me

Thinking you'd won

Thinking I'd be hollow, deprived.

Needing you

To weather the storm

With your warm body


But you had forgotten

I bore scars of winter

Unashamed of their ugliness

Because, to me

They are marks of survival.

Scars, I wear proudly

Just like I show off

My lovers' broken hearts

Because they never made it

To see how I tattooed

Their names in hearts

For my next victim

To feel sorry for me.


Buyer’s Remorse


I saved for a lifetime

Worked myself to the bone

At the end I wasn't worth a dime

And now I'm out on my own


Did you ever think about me?

On days I was waiting—

Sleepless nights and long queues,

Broken dreams and chapped lips.


Seeking outlay

You came running to me

Promising to multiply my love

Now, I want my dividends

But you run circles

Surrendering me as collateral damage


A Twisted Romance


I'm out of my mind,

Because I'm playing this game

And you look like a willing participant.

Willing to be the joker, or the roulette.

And then you play those mind games,

Where it seems like you are all in,

Invested as much as I.

Then the next minute you are not.

At the same time, I want to just give in,

Tell you how I feel, and hope you feel the same.

But I also want to reject you. Tell you no.

How screwed up is that?


Did you know of the green monster?

The jealousy I carry with me

One look from that girl, the one texting you on Valentine's Day

creates fire in my eyes

Did you know I like it when you subtly touch me,

Hug me— like you find me

Irresistible

But I push you away because I can

How twisted am I?


I dream of our I do's

Sweet kisses and babies

I craft stories of our future

Where you adore me

Till the end of time

And whisper sweet-nothings

Until I explode with happiness

But then I gag finding it repugnant

Messed up, right?


I stare into your stormy sea eyes

And I willingly drown

Because I know you're deliberately

Drawing me in

Sharing a part of you with me

You devote yourself to me

Confess your undying love

Until I reject you with a blink— shutting you out,

Rupturing the moment

Have I lost my mind?


Then with a tail between your legs

You burn cigarettes holes on my heart

And we play our favorite cat and mouse game

Today you're the cat

Tomorrow you're the mouse

Will we ever stop?


Share your dark songs with me

Stop trying to find my wrongs

And call me off my bullshit

And maybe, I'll be yours?


Maybe Someday


Sharp angles and edges

That's what she had for a heart

It bore scars of rejection

And abandonment

Put together by regret

Every beat ricocheted pain


Maybe, someday it will bleed blood

Instead of black ink on paper

Writing stories of a broken girl

Trying to hide behind big words


Maybe, someday my words

Will save my neighbour

Who's drowning in a single malt,

contemplating a forever dance

with death


Dear Self


For a while, I've watched you

There in the corner

Thinking you're alone

In your hopes and dreams


For a long time now, I've disappointed you

Putting others before you

Only to berate you when you fail

And fall apart


I want you to know

You are not alone

I want you to know

I am sorry for the pain

I've caused,

I am sorry for the wounds

I've left open

And the salt I've rubbed on them

I am sorry for the hate and neglect

I've imparted on you


I promise from now on

When you speak

I will listen

When you dream

I will encourage you

When you jump

Into uncomfortable spaces

Demanding change


S T U C K


I’m stuck in would haves

And should have beens

Instead of living my life


I made a home

In the maybes

And the what ifs

That I missed the adventure

Of the unknown


In a prison of my own making

Doubts and haunting pasts

Are my contenders and companions

Is there any wonder

Why I’m living in a confinement?


In the mirror

I see the could have been girl,

The would have been woman

Where is the now girl?


Breaking shackles of buts

And walking into ‘yes, I cans’

I’m free from the binding nots,

The seizing lies.

Embracing freedom to be,

To live.


Masks


I paint a smile

With my red lipstick

Waging a war

To those that oppress my voice


I may be a mile - away

With my stilettos

But I’m not far

From you to hear them making

A raging noise


Today with my plum lips,

My made-up face

Say I’m a victim

Tomorrow my black lips

And my made-up face,


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